Ladies, today we will be focusing on a very important topic. As simple as it sounds. Yet, it’s often overlooked.
When was the last time you paused and had a deep self-reflection? When was the last time that you patted yourself on the back? When was the last time you celebrated and rewarded yourself? If you have to think very deep, then this read is definitely for you.
If no one has told you this. You don’t need a special occasion or grand accomplishment to celebrate yourself. Celebrating yourself should be a positive reinforcement for just being you.
We all know how parents often reward their kids for ending the quarter/ semester with good grades. This type of reward is what I call a CHOICE. The reason being that though, it’s good to reward our kids from time to time but as a parent, you have the power to decide when and when not to reward a behavior.
Celebrating yourself is considered a MUST in my books and not a CHOICE. – Vera Yanney
Here, I’d share with you how I celebrated myself just recently and just because I am awesome.
I am very big on saving my coins. Though, I love to look good, take care of myself, etc! But I try to be smart about my spending especially during this quarantine period when one can go overboard with spending. I woke up this beautiful morning, feeling the need to gift myself with an expensive reward because I was worthy of being celebrated. So what I did was, I placed an order for an expensive gift I believe i deserved.
If you asked me a week before that purchase, what my plans were for the following week. I would have never mentioned rewarding myself that gift. And I guarantee you, I was filled with gratitude, being able to do that without feeling guilty made me feel really good and proud of myself.
I say this to say never to feel guilty for having physical rewards if that’s how you choose to celebrate yourself. Of course it’s good to budget but hey, celebrating yourself shouldn’t be on a budget.
Celebrating yourself, Reminds you to be grateful, It increases your confidence, It builds momentum and motivation. It reminds you of how powerful you are It unleashes that boss that’s in you.
How Should you Celebrate Yourself?
Buy that expensive gift you’ve been admiring. You don’t need a special holiday to spoil yourself.
Give yourself a social media shout out
Start working on a plan to travel to another country on a girls’ trip.
Be kind and gracious to yourself
Treat yourself to facials, the spa, etc
Acknowledge your small wins because they are still WINS!!!
Do to yourself as you might do for others. Do not deprive yourself of happiness all in the name of continuous self-improvement and striving for excellence. This will only physically and mentally exhaust you.
Without further Ado!!! Go celebrate yourself, sis !!!!
I have been looking for the perfect opportunity to talk about my experience with breastfeeding for a while, but I didn’t feel quite like a seasoned pro until I achieved my goal. However, in light of breastfeeding week, the timing is great.
My perfect little human just turned 1 how exciting and I have officially gained my breastfeeding badge if that’s a thing. I am filled with ecstasy, to say the least. My goal was to breastfeed for a year and I did it.
Breastfeeding isn’t easy! As it looks to seem. It isn’t just about whipping out your breast or nature taking its cause as your little one is expected to know how to locate the nipple. It just doesn’t work that way.
When my husband and I welcomed our little one, I had no idea how to latch him on my nipple. Not only was I trying to figure that out, but I also had no flow of milk for the first 2 – 3 days. This resulted in us utilizing bottle and formula feeding for that period until my milk came in. It wasn’t our intention for our little one to be put on formula immediately after birth. But hey, we had to do what we felt was best for us and him at the time. What matters is that he was surrounded by love and care.
Our baby boy got used to bottle feeding and he didn’t care to latch for a whole month. You can imagine the inconvenience I had to go through with pumping. In a day, I pumped 4 times all thanks to having a heavy milk production. It was very frustrating and exhausting. strict pumping without being able to nurse, made me feel unfulfilled as a mother because my goal was to nurse.
About a month later, that would be 2 months post-delivery. My son’s pediatrician and my mother in law advised that I put him on my nipple every time he got very hungry. Doing this will leave him no choice than to suck directly from my breast. Did this work? It sure did. He got used to latching on the left boob (His favorite to date).
There are so many things that I have learned in my experience in breastfeeding through trial and error, and I look back and wonder, wishing I had known better.
My Difficulties with Breastfeeding.
Problem with latching
My baby who has been introduced to bottle ahead of time, used bottle-feeding techniques at the breast, leading to a poor and shallow latch. When I transitioned him from bottle feeding to nursing, I knew how to support my baby’s weight on my arm with my hand between his shoulder blades. I also knew how to tuck my baby’s body in close with my elbow and let his head fall back a bit. Besides, I knew how to hold my breast with my thumb near the nipple, so it tips up a bit, and my fingers well under my breast, right down by my chest.
However, I was not aware that I had to line up his nose with my nipple so his mouth is lined up with the underside of my breast. Neither did I know that when I stimulate his whole lower lip with my breast, I had to keep my nipple aimed at the nose. As I gained experience, I learned that when a baby is latched well, the nipple goes deep into the baby’s mouth, and if the nipple is not far enough back, the tongue will press on the nipple and cause pain. Reading up or watching youtube videos on how to latch a baby is not the same without practice.
2. Breastfeeding Hurts.
I had done my research and had also heard from people (doula, family members, etc) how painful breastfeeding was. But no one emphasized on the intensity of the pain Omg!!!. Especially after delivery. Every time my little one sucked, I felt these severe cramps which are normal. So, what happens during breastfeeding immediately after childbirth, the uterus contracts and you feel the pain in the walls of your vagina.
I wasn’t one of those moms that used nipple cream. It didn’t sit well with me applying cream to my nipple and having my little one suck on it. Fortunately for me, my nipple didn’t crack so I could do away with nipple cream.
As a maternal and child health professional. I advise moms to never co-sleep with their infants to prevent Sudden Infant Death (SIDS). But I must admit, that it is very tough not to co-sleep especially when nursing. Some might say, why not pump during the day while your husband bottle feeds him at night?. Well, in my case we attempted that. But our son can tell the difference between bottle feeding and breastfeeding. If it doesn’t come directly from the boobs, he isn’t interested.
The only way I was able to get my sleep was to put him directly in bed with me as I nurse him. We sleep great and thankfully, I am not a deep sleeper so I still have the awareness that he is close to me. No matter what you decide to do, make sure you do what works for you and your little one and do it safely. Here is a link for more information on safe sleeping practices.
4. Breastfeeding and Pumping around the clock are so inconvenient.
These little humans do not joke about their breastmilk. Not only are you breastfeeding every 2 hours, but you also have to pump around the clock. While I was home on maternity leave, I pumped 4 times during the day because I produced a lot of milk. Upon returning to work after maternity leave, I tried to pump around the clock but the truth is, It’s not as easy to stick to the 2-hour schedule. What worked for me was pumping once I came into the office, at lunchtime, and pumping before I left the office for the day. I can guarantee you the intervals were not on a 2-hour clock but that was what worked for me. I am also thankful to have my supervisor who made sure I was keeping up with pumping.
Side Note: I am currently still breastfeeding until my son is 15 months. Following this pandemic, my mother-in-law advised I keep him on for a little more time so he can acquire antibodies to fight infections. And it makes sense to me!!! My boy is the happiest now I tell you.
A lot of new moms struggle with breastfeeding. Some may have issues of deep latch, some may struggle with a baby who isn’t latching at all. Some moms might have had a traumatic experience and breastfeeding just triggers the emotions over again. You name it.
Breastfeeding is not easy it is very emotional. But it reminds us of the universal truth of abundance, the more we give out, the more we are filled up.
Breastfeeding is a mother’s symbol of compassion and affection to her child. It is more than milk. It is a close intimate attachment between a mother and her child. Breastfeeding is powerful.
Not every mom can breastfeed and I am privileged and thankful to have experienced this bond with my son.
No matter what you choose, bottle feeding, or breastfeeding as long as your little one is surrounded by love and care that is all that matters.
Don’t forget to share, like, and comment. Remember to treat yourself this weekend. You are deserving of it.
Motherhood is beautiful, it expands your horizon. Exhausting yet strangely invigorating, there are very few things in life that can make you go through the kind of emotions that motherhood brings you: Joy and laughter, fear and worry, empathy and compassion, peace and love, contentment and fulfillment, pride and gratitude, and you can add to the list. When you become a mom, everything you have learned and acquired with time: Your skills, your experiences, your expertise, your values, your perspectives on life; everything changes from the moment you hear that first cry. Nothing can be compared to holding your child for the first time.
There is no manual to prepare for this role? And neither can you know all there is to motherhood. I don’t care how many books you read or how many TED talks you attend. You just get thrown into the deep end one day and figure things out for yourself, all while holding on to your sanity with everything you’ve got. Yet, motherhood is one privilege that almost every woman wishes to experience.
I am blessed to be a mom. From a very young age, I knew motherhood was in my future, and I couldn’t wait to become a mother. When I finally became a mother, nothing could beat that feeling of ecstasy that motherhood brings about. I am ready to go to war for him, protect him, and soak him in God’s word everyday. The connection and bond between my husband and I became STRONGER.
Despite all of these, motherhood tested my career. Upon returning to work after maternity leave, I found it difficult to concentrate at work. I just wanted to cuddle my son, and for working moms, you know how real separation anxiety hits you. Eventually, it got better with time with the help of our amazing nanny.
Motherhood is the best hood. But it is anything but easy. Sometimes, you just want a break from it all because it can cause you to lose your sanity. While it is important as a mom to learn to balance parenting and having time for yourself. It isn’t always easy. I believe every mom can agree to that. People who are not in the same parenting boat as us mothers will have a tougher time understanding some things we experience.
This is why I decided to compile this list of some of the things moms wish other people knew. Alongside, share with you all some experiences from real moms.
Every mom is learning on the job
Do not expect moms to be perfect. We’re all learning on the job, and we are going to make mistakes because we are humans. As long as we prioritize the well being of our kids, and we keep giving our best every day to be the best parent to them, that’s all that matters.
Motherhood is about sacrifice
Motherhood is the toughest responsibility on the planet. Part of what we go through as moms, is sacrificing much of ourselves for our kids. Every plan we have for ourselves takes a back seat when we have to play our roles as mothers. At a point in time, we go on a path to self re-discovery. And when we eventually find our new self, this process takes time. Most moms I know are still in the process of self-rediscovery and that is absolutely okay. It’s a continual learning process.
Being a working mom is tough
There is still a lot of stigma in some parts of the world that presumes working moms are selfish. In some parts of the world, it is expected for women to “sacrifice” their jobs to nurture and care for their children at home. Being a working mom does not mean a mother puts her career above her kids. Working moms, just like every other working woman, do it because they want better opportunities for themselves and their families. For working moms, like myself, I love being a role model for my kid(s). I want them to grow up to see that a woman can also have a successful career outside a home. When I’m at work, I’m still a mom. My “job” as a mom never ends, I have no weekly offs or monthly offs. Turns out, it’s a 24/7 lifetime role!
Every baby is different
There is nothing as annoying as other people trying to compare your child to their own children, their siblings, or something they read online. There is nothing wrong with our baby not sleeping through the night at one year old. There is nothing wrong with our child not speaking coherently by 36 months. Don’t ask a mom what she’s going to do to fix these, because that’s offensive.
Every mom is different
Just like every baby is different, there are different ways to be a mother. None of them is better than any other. The best parenting style for you is the one that you decide works for you. Mom shaming is just not right, even if you do not agree with someone else’s parenting style.
Below are experiences shared by Boss mama’s in their motherhood journey.
Brand new mommy here! I’m only 3 weeks into this thing but I’m learning a ton. The first thing I learned was babies are magic! I feel like no one told me how incredible it would feel holding my own child then getting to bond with him everyday. It’s truly indescribable. Magic is the closet word I can come up with. I’m still adapting to my new sleep schedule but I don’t mind waking up for my son one bit. I have learned to take care of my body by eating well, making that afternoon nap happen and staying hydrated. I’m also learning first hand how important fathers are. Seeing them bond is the highlight of my day. I’m so grateful to have a hands on partner and for our communication as we take on this new chapter together. I want people to know you can’t spoil a newborn! Babies are not born with the ability to self soothe. All babies are different but my son only cries when he has a need. We try to tend to him and give him what he needs right away before he gets too upset. This is building trust with him. In my personality psychology class in college I remember learning about how our personalities start to develop even in infancy and the part our environment plays in that.
LaShelle Records, 32 years old
Being a mother have been an unlearning and learning process , you have to take everything you know ,thought you know and research it and see what work for your child . Being a mother have been a beautiful journey with a stain of breast milk on all my shirts lol . Motherhood isn’t the easiest thing , every phase is scary , every change made me worried but every change also made me grow . Their will be many people telling u different things to do but you have to study your child and see what work for them . Don’t be offended by all the advice given to you by other mothers but also don’t let them overpower you , find your balance and choose the best option for you and your child . Create time for yourself , don’t be afraid to ask for help , don’t be afraid to ask for alone time . Motherhood is a change , and just like every change , you will doubt yourself sometimes and feel like your are failing but guess what ? You got this , you will find straight in that beautiful baby smile , you will wake up staring at your child , you will feel a joy you never experience , you push through and you give all the knowledge of the world you have learn and pass it on to your child !! You are the best mother your child need
Motherhood is one of the most rewarding yet most exhausting experiences ever. My son is 2 and I have been a stay at home mom since he was born. You’re constantly going between wanting a 10 minute break to be alone, but not wanting to be apart from your baby, and feeling guilty for wanting alone time. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything! When he randomly gets all excited & runs over to me, hugs my leg and says love you in his precious little voice…that makes it all worthwhile.
Ve-Denise Varnon, 29 years old
My experience with motherhood has been one heck of a ride and there’s many ups and downs. At times it’s tiring but seeing the smile or the joy of the baby makes it all worth it. Being a mother has taught me patience and time management because as a wife and mother, I have to be more organized taking care of my family and the house. I wish people can understand the toll motherhood has on mothers mentally and physically.
My experience with motherhood has been amazing even with the challenges and learning curves. I feel I can directly can shape my little two minds and help make the future a better place. I wish others would understand that every day is a blessing and a new learning curve. Let yesterday mistake live in yesterday. Sometimes I get down on myself and I wonder if I am rearing them right? Only time will tell. So I hope for the best and live in the present.
Markeshia W, 31
Ok here goes, My name is Robin Mikolyski and I’m almost 39 years old. I became a mother 11 years ago and now have four children. What I wish for people to understand is that no matter what, you can’t control what your child does; you can only control your reaction!
Robin Mikolyski, 39.
There is abundant joy surrounding the birth of new baby. Experiencing the first moments of the miracle of life will never be forgotten. Life changes, in the blink of an eye. With that one final push, I was now a mom. For some, it was a seamless transition. For me, not so much. It changed me, and I wasn’t sure I liked the change. Don’t get me wrong, I love my babies…..BUT I also wanted me. I was independent, adventurous, and fun, but now I was grounded, and felt stuck. I lost myself when I became a mom, so I thought! I found myself when I realized it is OK to do things for me. I was under the false impression that becoming a mom meant life had to be all about my kids now. I found myself when I fought to find myself. I didn’t want to be the person that I had become. I didn’t want to feel sad, always searching for joy. Acknowledging that I was unhappy and that I could make changes in my attitude was a game changer. I found myself when I realized God is refining me, and accepting I am a work in progress. I found myself when I started something new. Little did I know, Motherhood meant, finding the real me. The brave, loving, resilient, and sacrificing me. Motherhood is allowing me to find the rawest form of myself as I uncover and discover the deeper parts of my soul that I never knew existed.
Xo, Rose Contes, 32
My experience with motherhood so far has been a lot of learning, unlearning, research, patience, loving on my baby and just doing what works best for me. Being a first time mom is always nerve racking, and everyday isn’t the same but your confidence grows daily with experience. One thing I’d like others to know is that, it’s okay for a mom to go out and have fun. It doesn’t make them a “bad mom”. I think there is this stigma against moms who take time out for themselves frequently. Motherhood comes with lots of different stressors so if you see a mom out with friends, just know she truly needs and deserve that. We need to encourage more of it. Once you are happy, you will always present your best self.
Moms come in all shapes and sizes. From working moms to stay at home moms to single moms to same-sex couple moms to adoptive moms and everything in between. At the end of the day, we are humans who are allowed to make mistakes. Cut moms some slack and treat them kindly. Just like you, we thrive on love, support, and understanding.
I hope this has given you a deeper appreciation for the wonderful jobs we are doing as moms.
Momma’s keep doing what you do. There is no point in trying to be a perfect mom as long as you are putting in your best that’s all that matters.
Make time for yourself, and do not forget you are exactly who your children need. Most importantly, when you need help do not feel guilty asking for help. You’ve got this, super mom!
A woman’s pride lies in her fortitude, her resilience, and her ability to stand firm through adversities. When life sucks us under, we kick against the bottom, break the surface and breathe again.
A woman’s strength is limitless. Only a woman has the ability to nurture a career she’s accumulated experience, expertise, and great work ethics alongside, managing to create time to be actively involved in her family, kids’ life, and education. We willingly compromise our own happiness for others, we are the vessel that constantly intercedes in prayers for our entire family and generations to come.
Pregnancy and childbirth claim about 700 lives each year in the United States yet, there are a lot of women who have sacrificed their lives for that of their child. When women become mothers, we sacrifice a part of our identity. I am very pro, though motherhood is a sacrifice, it shouldn’t equate to self-neglect. We function as wives and working moms, our job as a mom never ends. We have no weekly or monthly offs! This is for a lifetime.
As women, we can overcome everything. We put our shoulders back, hold our head up high, and we never give up because we always find a way around it.
“There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.” – Michelle Obama
Some Attributes We Possess.
Our womanhood is strength in itself. Do not underestimate your power. The true essence of the strength of being a woman lies within yourself and by discovering who you are, you would surely be able to make your inherent power visible.
If there had to be another name for ‘strength’, that would be “WOMEN”. Women are courageous. Women are powerful. With our voice and tenacity, we have earned equal rights in a male-dominated society. Based on research collected in 2019, the majority of the college-educated labor force are women. As of the first quarter of 2019, 29.5 million women in the labor force had at least a bachelor’s degree, effectively matching the number of college-educated men in the workforce (29.3 million). We hold positions in political participation, we are leading in established businesses and entrepreneurship.
GEM studies the economies in 59 countries, and the report shows approximately 231 million women are starting or running new businesses in those regions. There’s been progress in the number of established businesses owned by women.
Let’s not forget we go through monthly cycles, we bleed for three to seven days without compromising on our daily life routines, we carry life for 9 months, we speak up and fight against rape, sexual harassment, and molestation and that ladies takes courage and strength.
“We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated. It may even be necessary to encounter the defeat so that we can know who we are. So that we can see, ‘Oh, that happened, and I rose. I did get knocked down flat in front of the whole world, and I rose. I didn’t run away; I rose right where I’d been knocked down.’” — Maya Angelou, poet, writer, civil rights activist
We are capable of molding ourselves according to the situation and given circumstances. Reflecting back to World war 1, our help was needed in the workforce notably in agriculture and war production. From having job posts for ammunitions to sewing in airplane factories. What a man can do, we can do better I mean this is proven facts. Just like Matshona Dhliwayo said, “Thorns do not keep a rose from blooming, neither should obstacles keep you from success.”
RESILIENCE & PERSEVERANCE
We can boast about our resilience and perseverance. These attributes help us to overcome the impediments presented to us. We stand up for our rights, raise children, fight gender inequality, break all stereotypes, and misogynistic beliefs that surround us “because you are a woman, you aren’t capable of achieving big things”.
We continue to break down barriers and open doors that were shut on us. As women, we know what we want and we go for it. Our resilience has brought us far. We are dominating in every field of life from education to sports, banking to engineering, medical to aeronautics, and even spaceflights.
“And one day she discovered that she was fierce and strong, and full of fire and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.”
Why would we forget our greatest gift? Love is a woman’s greatest gift. God created love and to depict his love, he created women. We are the pillar of our homes, it’s in our nature to bring love, care, and affection all around us. As mothers, our love extends to our neighbor’s children. Motherhood is not just a role, it’s a state, it’s an emotion, and it is one of our greatest strengths.
“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” – Robert Browning.
Our smile is one of our greatest assets. Though, our beauty is not limited to physical appearance.
Beauty for a woman is inclusively incorporated with our character, kindness, and personality. When we communicate, we speak with grace and passion. We can easily build a smooth rapport with characters so effortlessly. And, we are very convincing in terms of negotiation.
Being an inspiration for other women, giving them hope and courage is beauty personified.
Women are visionaries who expect hurdles and plan well ahead of time. A woman can identify the best route to success by attempting all probabilities. No matter how hard the goal is, a woman will not choose to stop until she succeeds.
“We are diamonds in the rough
Through the thrust and toil, we come out strong
We are the breath of the earth,
Our wombs tell of humanity’s birth
We are seeds splattered on putrid soils
Still, we sprout, through every storm
We are not here to survive,
We are here to live…
Inward and outward
In the incandescence of our existence
Yes, our voices may sometimes be broken
But our spirit remains indestructible.
We are women, unapologetically!”
― Chinonye J. Chidolue
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. New content gets published on Saturdays at 12pm. Please follow MomRapport to stay updated with my latest blog posts. Don’t forget to share, like, comment, and leave suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to treat yourself. You are deserving of it.
Parenthood has been an amazing journey so far with the best partner and father to our baby boy. Prior to being pregnant and presently, Hubs and I speak about our childhood experiences. We have similar childhood stories but our parents have different parenting styles.
Our childhood experiences mostly bring back amazing memories and we could talk about it for a considerable length of time. It’s one of the ways we bond. My husband and I are originally from West Africa but two different countries. He is Ghanaian while I’m Nigerian. We share similar personalities and cultures.
Through our childhood experiences, we reflect on things our parents did that we would love to impart in our children. An example for my husband would be, apologizing to our children when he is wrong. While I, on the other hand, would teach our children the power of gratitude.
When we welcomed our son. We realized that we both have different parenting styles. Particularly, it was difficult for me because I always thought I was right ‘mommy instinct.’ But, I had to learn to let my husband parent our son how he wants to.
What I’m saying is, kids need both a mother and a father, and it isn’t just about family solidarity. Children need both the nurturing style that moms bring to the family as well as a more challenging and real-life based style that seem to be inborn in fathers.
I am often the parent who is more tuned into our baby’s specific needs. It’s is simply just an emotional connection between mother and child that a father simply doesn’t get. I likewise deliberately offer more positive affirmations and so forth.
While my husband, on the other hand, is often the parent with the more intense play style. Trust me our kid loves playtime with daddy a lot. Additionally, hubby is already preparing our son on how to prepare for the real world. An excellent example would be when our son took his first step, his advice to him was
“it’s okay to fall, son, you just shouldn’t quit. When you fall, you have to keep trying. You are my son and you can do it.” (Isn’t that just so cute? This is one of the reason’s I married him. He’s such a darling and a Super dad).
My husband’s sacrifices tend to be more focused on the family as a whole and less on our son. Which I love by the way. He’d always say to our son “I love you, but I love your mother more.” Okay, enough bragging about super husband and dad!!!
We have found and are still finding the appropriate balance between parenting styles which we believe is the key to success in parenting.
Some ways we make it work
1. No open disagreements: This is the first parenting style we discussed. We promised not to disagree on parenting in front of our kids. If one of us has to let the other parent take the lead in a given situation, we’d let that happen and then we’d talk about it later.
2. Stay on the same page: I wouldn’t be right all the time and neither will my husband. However, we definitely will be very intentional about supporting each other and staying on the same page. Children are very wise they observe closely how their parents interact with each other. They can set one parent in opposition to the other by becoming manipulative and they do this by going to the parent with the permissive parenting style. This is why it’s best to stay on the same page and back each other up to maintain structure in parenting and also to keep peace in your relationship with your spouse.
3. Compromise: Earlier in this write-up, I mentioned how I learned to allow my spouse parent our child how he needs to. There are things that a father fosters in a child that a mother cannot and there are things that can be ingrained in a child only by a mother.
4. Create rules together: An example for my husband and me would be bedtime for our son. Since the pandemic, it’s been tough for our son to stick to his bedtime routine. But typically, we stay away from the late-night play with our little one. We believe creating rules together helps us stay grounded in our parenting style. In the future, as we set rules, we plan on having an open discussion with our children just to make sure we are all on the same page.
Each parent makes mistakes and as children grow, parenting becomes more challenging. It’s okay to agree to disagree in parenting but pay attention when it becomes hostile and chronic.
At the point where your partner makes mistakes, don’t lay allegations but rather talk it through. Remember that you are a team and not opponents. Differences in parenting styles happen but you shouldn’t allow that ruin your relationship.
Importantly, make sure that you live each day as a wonderful model for your kids. Children are influenced by all we do because they are constantly watching.
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. New content gets published on Saturdays at 12pm. Please follow MomRapport to stay updated with my latest blog posts. Don’t forget to share, like, comment, and leave suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to treat yourself. You are deserving of it.
This blog post for wifeys has been a long time coming. I sincerely apologize but let’s get right into this.
Ultimately, marriage is a wonderful union and there are a ton of support and blessings that originate from being hitched to the right individual. Emphasis on “Right individual.”
Having a wonderful individual as a spouse causes you to advance and evolve in a lot of ways. He rouses you to accept new open doors, he turns into a main thrust of motivation when you are in need of a little motivation, he favors your womb with a piece of him to deliver your beautiful offsprings, he turns into your most genuine closest companion, and the list goes on.
Through all of this superb support, he serves you. It becomes very inconvenient when your better half turns into your lone wellspring of bliss. In romantic theory, your spouse is the adoration for your life and all things considered, you can’t envision your existence without him. I can say the same for me as well, God blessed me with an incredible spouse.
While these are valid, to build a healthy and sound relationship in marriage. It is so essential to ensure that you and your spouse each keep up a sense of independence by having different sources of happiness outside of your marriage.
Anticipating that your happiness should hail from your spouse is externalizing him. In a sense, your spouse turns into an object for your satisfaction and without him, you can’t display pleasurable feelings of joy.
No lady should put a huge amount of weight on her spouse to entirely deliver happiness to her- Vera Yanney
Prior to becoming a wife, you were a woman who knew how to have fun before you met your life partner. Marriage is a relationship between two individuals and one individual (your significant other) shouldn’t feel forced to maintain a ton of duties.
Men are systematically educated to push their sentiments down without communicating their feelings. They are taught that the perfect ideal of manliness is to stay solid and quiet. These are all myths by the way and can lead to mental health difficulties in men. And I say this to say.
Envision being in your significant other’s shoes, we realize that being the head of the family brings about a ton of obligations. Your spouse is human with feelings, desires, expectations, dreams, and even personal battles. So you can concur with me when I say that it is unfair for a woman/wife to search for happiness only in her husband.
Path to Reclaim Your Happiness.
1. Start looking for happiness within you– The way to happiness exists in us. It isn’t the obligation of a person to fulfill your necessities as they are likely additionally experiencing a great deal themselves.
2. Don’t take yourself too seriously– One of the negative traits of being a grown-up is the dread of being mocked. Everything begins by letting desires decide how we live. Normally ladies are relied upon to be perfect. While men live under the weight of not being seen as frail. Life is certainly not a smooth ride, you will run over a lot of curves. Be that as it may, I impel you to discover humor in every circumstance.
3. Get comfortable with being on your own– Being alone by yourself, oftentimes implies isolation or one being anti-social according to societal beliefs. However, with spending alone time you might have the option to settle on better options and choices about what your identity is and what you need without outside impact.
Frequently, we are influenced by the contemplations, sentiments, mentalities, convictions, and conduct of those in our circle. It is okay to approach others for their recommendation and assessments. But, at the end of the day, counseling yourself and making up your psyche about what you need to do will lead you into the existence that is best for you. This is what being introspective brings about.
4. Have friends outside your marriage– Being friends with your spouse is a blessing and benefits you both. Your spouse, however, assumes plenty of roles: husband, companion, friend, comforter, and you can add to the list. That being said, he basically can’t be everything for you. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you need to do everything with your spouse. A little separation is healthy.
As a companion, I urge you to drop the “be my source of happiness” mindset, since it’s simply unrealistic. You can’t anticipate that your spouse should satisfy the entirety of your needs because they won’t all the time. Rather, have an end goal to satisfy your spouse’s needs. And be sure to give them credit for all that he does to make you happy.
God is the only one who can complete us, and no human can do that job. As a couple, your role in marriage should be centered around helping each other grow just as Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. New content gets published on Saturdays at 12pm. Please follow MomRapport to stay updated with my latest blog posts. Don’t forget to share, like, comment, and leave suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself.
Last week, I spoke on the power of positive self talk. Please check it out beautiful ladies if you missed it. In the same light, our children are also deserving of positive affirmations. Think about how happy you feel when you get complimented. Compliments are a little gift of love. They teach us that we are worthy of praise and worthy of being noticed. However, compliments only work when they are coming from a sincere place.
Similar to how you feel when complimented, positive affirmations are just as important to the mental and emotional well being of children. As parents, this is one of the practices my husband and I do for our son. My husband does it while he and our son are having play time. While me on the other hand, make sure that our son and I do this practice in the mornings.
In the mornings, my son and I stand in front of a mirror. With his hands on his chest, some of the words that I speak to him are “I am proud of you, I love you, you are enough, thank you for choosing me as your mom, you are a shinning star, you are great, you are wonderfully and fearfully made, you will be a great husband and father, you are a leader, you can do all things through christ that strengthens you e.t.c.”
On the other hand, some of my husbands words to our son are ” I love you, you make me so happy, you will excel, you can do it and I believe in you, don’t give up in trying because practice makes you perfect, you are wealthy, I knew you could do it.”
Every time that we do this, he puts on a bright big smile and of course it makes us happy as well because we know that though he might not understand, it helps build his self confidence, and nurtures his authentic self.
Importance of Positive Affirmation
I took to instagram a few weeks ago and shared a story of my experience with micro aggression while I was young. Growing up in Nigeria, I actively had to think about the color of my skin being a threat to my livelihood. I was told that I was too light skinned and that I was very likely to get married to an Albino. This is absolutely nothing against Albinism but, those micro aggressions influenced the way that I showed up to the world as a little child and it was something that I didn’t take for granted. I can’t fully remember if I expressed my concerns to my parents but I wish my parents had known what I know now. Sharing this story brings me to my point on confidence boosting.
As a parent, you should be your children’s inner dialogue because children look up to us in so many ways. I understand that being a parent is not an easy job as we all know raising kids do not come with a manual. But, we have to make sure that our words to them are what I call an edged sword of light because these words are the prime source to their level of confidence.
Every parent want his or her child to be bold, and confident in him or herself but have we thought about what contributing factors are tied to self confidence in children?. You might have a child who is an extrovert, maybe because that was a trait he or she inherited from one or both parents. But children who are extroverts are not exempted from lack of self confidence, lack of self awareness, and a continual sense of self critic. This is why the role of a parent goes beyond being a provider, and signing your kids up for basketball practices.
The words that we project towards our children contributes to their growth mindset. It is the foundation to how they show up in the world, how far they climb, what friends they keep, what careers they pursue, what life path they choose to embark on, their relationship with adults and their peers.
Like I said, your words are like two edged swords. A parent, who is fond of talking down on his or her kid should not expect a kid who excels academically. If you are a parent, and you are constantly comparing your child’s achievements and development to his siblings, his peers, and other children around him. You are doing yourself and that child a very huge disservice because not only do you dim this child’s light, you as a parent eventually would feel ashamed to show off this child to the world. Please note that it is never too late to start practicing positive affirmation in your children’s life no matter their age.
I personally consider positive affirmation as a form of prayer. If you have been following my blog posts, you’d notice that I do not leave out mentioning prayer. Oh yes! I takes my faith very seriously.
So, parents reading this or aspiring parents, please note that instilling positive affirmations in your children everyday is a ‘MUST and not a CHOICE.’
Lastly, children are great imitators. As you project positive affirmations to them, teach them to do it for themselves too. Deuteronony 11:19 “Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you get up.”
Some examples of Positive Affirmations.
You are important,
Practice makes you better,
You are wonderfully and fearfully made,
You are a shinny star,
I love you,
I see you are trying so hard! great job,
I will always be here for you,
Lean on me, when you are not strong, 🙂
You don’t have to go through anything alone,
You make every thing better,
With you, my life has a whole new meaning,
You are my answered prayers. ( And you can add to the list)
Above, is a free link to a cool and free coloring book of positive affirmations for your children. Please be sure to follow my blogging instagram page @Momrapport. Here is the link https://www.instagram.com/momrapport/
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. Be sure to share, like, comment, and leave suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself.
Ladies, today we will be focused on ourselves. As always, I want you to get in your most comfortable setting because today’s blog post needs your undivided attention. All set, let’s get into it.
Have you ever been in a place in your life when you set goals with hopes that you’d attain them in your first try? It’s very common for us to presume that things would work on the first try but oftentimes they don’t. We’ve all been there haven’t we? Let’s face it failure and setbacks do not feel great but the truth is, they are part of the journey and they foster the bigger result.
Define Positive Self Talk.
Positive self talk is the inner voice of encouragement and affirmation that you give to yourself before any other external reassurance and plaudit is rendered unto you. They are messages that are short and focused directly on you.
Although, as humans we are very fast to dash out encouraging words to our friends but when we are faced with challenges of our own. The inner dialogue is often different.
To others we say,
“I believe in you, you got this, you are so smart, your weight looks good.”
To ourselves we say,
“I put on so much weight, why am I not as good of a mom as she is?, she is more good looking than I am.”
Suddenly, we lose compassion for our own selves. I understand that it can be difficult at times to pick yourself up from the dust especially when you have been faced with a lot of challenges. But learning to be kind to yourself is work worth doing.
For me personally, I have never really been one to depend on external sources for motivation. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to hear someone tell me how proud they are of me. But, that is not paramount to how much success and achievements that I am willing to attain. In fact, self-talk has done more for my self confidence, achievements, mental health and so on.
Let me share a story. Prior to when I became a University graduate, I had written down on my planner my goals for the month. One of which was to secure a job prior to graduation. I knew that was going to happen for me. Will you term this overconfidence or faith? I call it the power of positive self-talk because saying is believing. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I know what I bring to the table. Long story short, I went in for my first interview and mind you, there were three interviews lined up in order for me to secure my position at this job. After my first interview, I became even more certain that I was going to get that job. And Oh yes, I sure did. I shared my story because I was getting to a point.
Before I get to the point why I shared my story, I beg to digress. There is positive and negative self talk. Depending on your personality, an optimist is more likely to use positive self talk, while a pessimist will lean on negative self talk. Regardless of what aspect you fall in, you have the power to practice positive self talk.
Importance of Positive Self Talk
I shared my story with you all because I want you to understand that there is power in your tongue and your thoughts. Positive self talk is important because it enhances your confidence, productivity, self esteem, mental health, and you can add to the list. My pattern of positive self-talk started at a very young age. However, anytime can be a good time to start practicing it.
The words that you speak to yourself will determine if you should keep trying or give in to adversities. The thoughts that you process internally can either make or break you.
How to Practice Positive Self Talk
Talk to the mirror: Does this sound weird? It’s more like singing in the shower. Talking to the mirror boosts your confidence level, it reduces the feeling of hopelessness, it reduces pain and stress from the heart and body, it reflects you and gives you a sense of satisfaction. This is one of my favorite tips for positive self talk.
Journal writing: Journal writing aids in keeping track of thoughts that might be swirling around in your head for example, thought of fear, self doubt etc. Journaling is one of the easiest ways to keep track of your thoughts. All you have to do is get a brand new journal and write down everything that comes to mind. There are no set rules as to how much you should write. Although, I advise that you put a date on the day you are journaling this helps to keep track of how far you have come in your journey. After writing down your thoughts, I want you to come up with ways that you can replace your negative thoughts with positive ones.
Don’t compare yourself to others: Comparison, is the killer of joy. Women in particular, are very fond of comparing themselves with one another. When you are constantly comparing yourself with the next party. You are very likely to get down on yourself. I had an epiphany years ago, where I learned truly that the grass on the other side is only greener because it was watered continuously. If you admire what someone has, it is okay to compliment, and ask questions but most importantly it is best that you concentrate on yourself and be grateful for how far you have come. At the end of the day, no one is perfect.
Have apps for positive affirmations: There are tons of positive affirmation apps. I believe everyone should have at least two positive affirmation apps downloaded on their phones. Positive affirmation apps work because they serve as a buffer between negative thoughts and rather give you inspiration, motivation, and confidence building to focus on. Give these apps a try if you want some positivity in your daily life: Think up, Shine, Calm, Hapify, Kwippy.
Don’t play the blame game: Blaming is a natural human tendency. We are human and blaming is used as a form of defense mechanism to discharge our pain. Are you a perpetual blamer? I want you to know that blaming is very toxic because it has an inverse relationship with accountability. When we fail to hold ourselves accountable for our faults, we miss out on opening doors to changes that can potentially get us to our success.
Visualize your success: Visualizing your success oh yes! I love this one too. This gives you a direction, reminds you of an idea you have, and gives you a boost to keep going and never give up. Start speaking life to what tasks and goals you aspire to attain by saying, “My future is bright,” “Though it may tarry, but it will surely become a reality,” “I believe so much in my abilities even when no one else see’s it.” “I am victorious and a conqueror.” And you can add to the list.
Be willing to try again: As the popular saying goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Have you ever wondered why success starts with failure? In my opinion, failure is a catalyst to success. Without failure, we lack the ardor to re- strategize and come back stronger. You shouldn’t give up on your goal just because it didn’t work out on the first try but that should rather bring alive avidity to ‘Bounce back’ and rise above your obstacles.
Failure is not a sign of personal ineptitude, but rather a foundation that winning is built on- Vera Yanney
Check in with your feelings: When you start to catch yourself going down the road of negative talks, I want you to take a break to breathe in and out for a couple of minutes. If you do not feel better after this exercise, you might need to talk to a therapist.
Pray: Prayer is the master key to everything. Did you know that prayer is a form of positive self talk? When you pray earnestly to God, you tell yourself that he has heard your prayers and that you are victorious. Psalm 42:12 says “Why are you downcast, my soul, why do you groan within me? Wait for God, for I shall again praise him my savior and my God.” I want you to say this prayer “Dear Lord, I am going through a tough time right now, I want you to reassure me that I am not alone, and that you will give me strength and guidance. I also ask that you see me through the end. AMEN!
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. Be sure to share, like, comment, and leave suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself.
Oh man, where did time go? It feels like one second ago I was pregnant with my son and then within a blink of an eye, I have an infant who loves to explore. I love my son so much and it gives me so much joy to see how he continues to meet his developmental milestones.
Every child loves playtime and it is important for parents to encourage lots of play time for their children especially at early childhood. Pediatricians are equally recommending play as an essential component to healthy and early development. Playing and exploring are very important for every child because this is the key for them to learn and develop. Just as childhood play is essential for brain development, play is also important for adults. For adults, play serves as a source of relaxation, pleasure, and it leads to a healthy adult hood. I say this to say outside of playing with your partner, you should incorporate play time with your little one and I will explain why later on.
When children are given enough time to play, it develops their knowledge, experiences, curiosity and confidence. Play can be broken down into Unstructured and Structured play. These two forms of play are apt to your children’s development and just like everything else, the key is finding an equilibrium to both
What is Structured Play?
Just like the name connotes. Structured play includes a set rules and supervision by an adult.
Why Choose a Structured Play?
This form of play exposes your children to cognitive and comprehensive skills by challenging them to think ahead. Activities can be planned around doing chores at home, a family picnic, or at your leisure. Take for example, you and your toddler choose to build a sand castle at the beach. In doing this activity, you both take turns to fill up the bucket with sand. I want you to think about the skills your toddler is learning from this type of play. When enforcing structured play, your child learns about social rules that he or she will need to abide by as a team player. It teaches self regulation, respecting boundaries, and strengthens parent – child relationships.
Structured Play Activities.
Science kits, lego games, and board games are perfect for structured play.
2. Find the object– Fill up a bowl with sand or rice. Hide a few objects and get your child looking for these objects. This activity teaches children perseverance and focus.
3. Cooking– When kids join in to cook, they learn thinking, problem solving and creativity.
4. Vinegar Volcano– This is a very fun activity that every kid must attempt. With this activity, children get excited when the volcano erupts and explodes when the vinegar is added.
5. Friendship Bracelets: This activity is perfect for a family group and one on one play. It teaches children color coordination, friendship, and promotes eye- hand coordination.
What is an Unstructured Play?
Unstructured play, as the name implies is free play but still supervised. There are no set rules because the child leads the play.
Why Choose an Unstructured Play?
Unstructured play gives your child the opportunity to explore, adapt, lead, problem solve and promotes healthy imaginative activities. This form of play is controlled by the child, the child leads and decides what he or she wants to do for play time. By allowing this form of play, you are building up your child to have leadership skills.
Activities for Unstructured Play
1. Play dress up– When kids play dress up, they have more independence because they learn to do things on their own when you are not there. They learn to use their imagination to pretend to be someone else. Playing dress up also promotes self care skills in children because when they look good, they feel good.
2. Sidewalk chalk– Give your kiddo a sidewalk chalk to draw and write while you sit back and read your favorite book. There are a lot of benefits from this activity some of which are, developing color recognition, sorting and matching skills, enhances academic knowledge, enhances art, promotes creativity, focus, improves and strengthens fine motor skills.
3. Sticks and Rocks– This is a type of outdoor play that children absolutely love. You might think that this activity is dangerous and risky for your child but its nature. It’s about time that we teach kids to enjoy and appreciate nature instead of hammering their thumbs on technological devices all day. As long as your child is using them safely and appropriately it is totally fine and of course with supervision. As a kid, I enjoyed playing with sticks and rocks . I used them as my pretend utensils and meat. So, I would dig up a hole in the ground, fill it up with rice and leaves and then add little stones as my meat. Afterwards, I finish it up with stirring up my pretend food with the sticks. How fun is that ? ah -ha
4. Building blocks– Give your kids a set of building blocks and watch their imaginations come to life. Anything is possible with building blocks.
Fundamentally, children need both structured and unstructured types of play. Structured play teaches social rules , strengthens parent – child relationship etc, while unstructured play teaches kids to problem solve, independence etc. Finding a balance for these types of play teaches children to cultivate a variety of skills.
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. Be sure to share, like, comment, and leave suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself.
What came to mind when you read the topic? I would assume financial freedom. Before I proceed, Ladies, if you have not read my blog post on “My path to personal development” check that out because that will be a boost to starting a side hustle. But for now, let’s get into this money talk.
Starting a side hustle, is a form of investing in yourself by devoting your energy, focus, time and value into areas that you are passionate about. Doing so, makes you stand out from the rest of the crowd. As the saying goes, no one is you and that is your power. When you start a side hustle, you acquire knowledge, develop your skills and experiences, cultivate your character, maintain a balance, and discipline in the long term.
Allow me to reiterate that the goal of Mom Rapport is to empower women by encouraging a healthy balance between feminine roles as women, wives, and mothers.
This content is very important for women because every woman needs education and a push to be a boss by seeking financial freedom.
What is a Side Hustle?
According to Forbes, “A side hustle is all about your personal growth, development, and entrepreneurial creativity.” Thanks Forbes, I will add to that. My definition of a side hustle, refers to an extra source of revenue that aids in alleviating some financial stress. You should look into earning an extra income outside of your main job and it is even much better when it’s focused on something you enjoy doing. Take for example, it is only wise to render help to people and in return make profit out of it especially if it’s something you are truly passionate about. It doesn’t hurt to have multiple streams of income.
So, if your passion leads to a side hustle that can generate you wealth. Why should you not take advantage of that and make it happen? Of course, it is good to render a helping hand when the need be, and offer advice without making profits but somethings you need to apply wisdom.
Why to Have a Side Hustle.
In a developed country like the United States, “Forty-three percent of side hustlers work full-time, while 51% are part-time workers, according to yahoo finance.” Does this surprise you that people venture into side hustle ? The hunger for a financial safety net and money to cover regular living expenses is spiking up everyday. It doesn’t matter how wealthy one is, or how well your career pays. Unless you want to live like an average person, you can choose to depend on one stream of income.
Greatness and mediocrity do not mix – Vera Yanney
The economy remains far from fully recovered since the Great Depression but is steadily healing. The cost of living keeps spiking up in healthcare, education, housing, food, vacations etc. We are paying more, but are not paid enough. Ladies, have you thought about why the wealthiest people have multiple sources of income? Save yourself a google search. The answer is because having one source of income makes you trapped, and it limits you from knowing how to negotiate on your finances. I don’t know about you, but I want financial freedom.
A side hustle does not typically require a huge sum of capital investment upfront depending on what you choose to venture in. In fact, a side hustle can earn you more than your typical day job provided you apply a healthy does of adaptability, consistency and tenacity.
How to Choose a Side Hustle.
There is power in having choices. But how do you come about choosing a side hustle? It is simple, do not over think it. Over-thinking only limits you from getting started. I call this “analysis paralysis” which simply means when one is unable to move forward with a decision due to overthinking.
For example, when I got the push from the Holy Spirit to start blogging. I did not think too deep about how to draw traffic to my blog, or how many people would view it because doing this will only convince me not to start. Though, those are very important questions. But, being that I got the push from the Holy Spirit, and it is also a passion of mine to talk on issues related to empowering women and providing tips on a healthy balance between feminine roles. So, I got right into blogging without over- thinking.
Did you pick up on why I started blogging? That brings us to the next point on how to choose a side hustle. You need to ask yourself why you chose to venture in whatever it is you want (side hustle in this case). After asking why, answer the question on who are you? Doing so, will help propel you in the right direction.
Are you seeking a side hustle for financial freedom? Do you want to travel more and work less? Do you want to work from home? Will your side hustle become your main stream of income in a few years’ time? These are questions to ask yourself. Side hustles are often fixated toward things of interest outside of a typical day job. It can offer you an opportunity to make money from a passion of interest and it allows for flexibility.
Types of Side Hustles.
Like I mentioned, a side hustle is best invested into a passion you have because it propels you in the right direction. For examples of types of lucrative side hustles, check out the list below.
Write Resumes and advertise your writing services on platforms like LinkedIN
These are just few of many examples of course. So, do your research and focus on what suits you best.
Having multiple sources of income is empowering and you could turn your side hustle into a job you love. As Millennial women, we should aim to have financial freedom. I would assume that we want more for ourselves and we do not want to stay with a company for decades out of comfort and loyalty. Instead, we believe we can make another reality for ourselves.
You should aspire to generate wealth from multiple streams of income- Vera Yanney
Like everything else, there are pros and cons to anything and a side hustle is no exception. One benefit of having a side hustle is having a safe financial net while a considerable factor would be a potential conflict with your full time job. However, this should not discourage you. Start off with baby steps and then work your way up. It is important that you pray and ask God to direct your steps because when he leads you, he gives you wisdom and drive in your endeavors.
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. Be sure to share, like, comment, and leave suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself and don’t forget to check out my blog post on “My Path to Personal Development.”
We think about our children’s future all the time, we envision what profession they would pursue, and what adventures they’d embark on. It’s every parent’s dream to want the best for his or her child and that is absolutely necessary and beautiful. A child’s development is mostly affected by the family he or she is born into since the family is the child’s first social group. Immediately after a child is born, that child’s development starts to take place physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally. As a parent, you need to consider how you are supporting your children’s development throughout the day in order for those children to get an all rounded development. From infancy through childhood, research shows that holding babies and continuing to show love and affection to children through physical touch and affection is an important part of their development and well-being.
It is a known fact that parents are older but that is not an excuse to disregard showing affection to your children. I grew up in a culture where showing affection to your children was very uncommon. Take for example, most parents never apologize to their children even when they are wrong because it is perceived to be a taboo. For few children in my culture whose parents are open minded enough to apologize, they are considered lucky.
Being that parents are older. In my culture, they are perceived to be embodied with perfection, and they are held to high esteem. Which makes them not justify their actions when necessary. Children are required to comply with adult demands, to avoid irritating parents and they dare not question the reasoning behind instructions given out by parents. For children who grow up in my type of culture, they learn respect for authorities and they function as a pleasant, cooperative family member. However, the cons outweigh the pros because these children would grow up to be timid among their peers, lack a positive relationship with adults, they would say yes to every instruction given, they would not be able to stand up for themselves, they would feel inferior, and the list goes on. These are negative attributes that a parent’s affection could have prevented. No one is perfect, not even parents. A lot of people are not educated enough to know that showing a child affection leads to more happiness when the child grows up, and a healthy and happy life for the future.
Parents, when you build a healthy relationship with your children, they become securely attached to you. They’d be more likely to obey you, and they’d look up to you as a positive influence and guidance. How you interact with your children when they are young helps them develop social skills and sets up their relationships as adults. Find ways as a parent to show affection to your children of course one that is most comfortable to you and them.
Ways to Show Affection to Your Children.
1. Physical Touch/ affection: This tip is advisable for infants and younger children because as children mature into adolescent age, they get very uncomfortable with physical touch from their parents. Physical touch consists of hugs, cuddling, and kissing. Take a moment to squeeze in those kids, give them a tight hug after you pick them up from daycare or school. Did you know a tight hug for 20 seconds everyday goes a long way in a child’s life? Because it aids in high self-esteem, a healthy parent – child relationship, well behaved children in society, it builds social skills, and it raises children’s spirits immeasurably. Science has shown that positive touch lowers depression. On the contrary, children who do not often get physical affection from their parents, tend to have low self-esteem, and they become anti – social.
Skin to skin: This is an example of showing physical affection from a parent to an infant. I always advise moms and dads I work with including people I am familiar with to initiate skin to skin immediately after the baby is born. Doing skin to skin teaches an infant trust, safety, love, protection, and security. Another example for infants is,
Pick up your crying child: In some cultures, moms are advised to leave infants to cry for a longer time because they believe that when infants are picked up immediately, they get spoiled. They also believe that leaving an infant to cry for an extended period of time aids in the lung development of the child. These are myths with no scientific research to back it up. An infant cries because that is his or her way of communicating. Depriving an infant from early affection leads to a sense of neglect, and a higher level of the stress hormone cortisol. As humans, we are wired to crave touch and we require it for normal physical, social, and emotional development to occur.
As children grow older into their mid childhood, it is advised for parents to role play with their children because this gives room for a lot of hugs, cuddles, and kisses. With activities like dancing, co sleeping during the day, random hugs just because they are adorable. For toddlers, holding their hands as they walk is a form of affection because it makes them feel secure.
2. Apologize: Parents should learn to apologize to their children and it shouldn’t feel awkward and uncomfortable. Our children mimic our actions faster than they hearken to our words because parental influence among all other influences has a greater attribute in shaping a child’s future. When we apologize to our children, we validate their feelings by demonstrating to them that we all make mistakes and that is okay because we are humans but provided, we take responsibility for our actions. In addition, apologizing to children builds a ground of trust between parents and their children because when you apologize to them you model for them the value of honesty and humility.
3. Listen to them: Earlier, I mentioned family being the first social group a child gets exposed to before any other. As our children get older, they begin to encounter life experiences and a lot of distress from peer groups, to academic stress, and then bodily changes from puberty. All of these experiences bring forth frustration and exhaustion for children. It’s very understandable that parents also have a lot on their plates. But, it is very compulsory that you create time for your children free of undivided attention to share and talk about what they have in mind. By communicating with them, you are directly telling them that they are worthy of your attention, it builds friendship and trust between a parent and child because they will always confide in you as a gist partner or someone they can share their stress with. Being an active listener to your children is a very important skill that you need to have because when you make having conversations and listening difficult to have with your children, that results in them finding solutions amongst their peers which in return will cause them to go astray.
4. Say no to comparisons: Your children want to please you every day because they enjoy the positive reinforcement they get when they make you happy. Sometimes, their best might not be enough and this is where you come in as a parent. If they are having troubles with an area of improvement, talk to them calmly and ask them what you can do to help and improve their skills. Do not compare them to anyone else because this brings upon them a low self-esteem, anxiousness, and stress. My late father always said, “Not every finger is equal but, every finger serves a purpose.” And I say this to say ‘comparison is the killer of joy’ when we compare our children, we make them feel so belittled compared to other children their age. Comparing your children actually makes you lose out on experiencing the unique talents that they are blessed with.
5. Encourage & uplift them: Not every one of your children will be gifted with the same interests and talents. One might be extremely talented and focused in arts, while the other might be academically driven. This is great because it brings forth great purposes to your family. By encouraging and uplifting your children, you boost their self-confidence, ignite their drive to do better, and open up their curiosity to explore. Also, encourage them to be intrinsically motivated and not rely on external validation from social media, peers, teachers etc. By being self motivated, it helps them to stay on track when no one is clapping and cheering them on. In addition, always remind them of their strengths and why you believe in them. Most importantly, praise them where praise is due no matter how small of an accomplishment.
6. Respect their space: Children also go through distress, and there will be times when they are not in the mood to be bubbly. As parents, we should respect their space and feelings. When they are ready to share they will open up. This in itself, teaches children about boundaries
7. Say Please: Parents often take advantage of being older people, and they fail to acknowledge that children are humans who are also deserving of respect. The same way that you expect people to say please to you, you should also do the same for your children. Doing this teaches them to respect you more and also hold you at a place of high prestige because of your humility
8. Say I love you: Above all, always tell your children that you love them. Growing up, my parents never said I love you but that is because of the culture difference. As a parent, my husband and I say it all the time to our son because saying I love you to your children teaches them that they are valuable, it makes them know that you are trustworthy as a parent, it makes it easy for them to make corrections, it teaches them to express their feelings, and it takes away fear from them.
Sowing the seed of affection in your children leads to a higher self-esteem, a healthy parent- child relationship, boosts confidence, improved academic performance, and fewer psychological and behavior problems. As your children grow up, respect their individual comfort level and change up the ways you show them affection.
Ending this post with a birthday shoutout to myself. What a time to be alive. I am blessed. Happy Birthday to me. #MrsYanney
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. Be sure to leave comments, and suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself . Do not forget that showing affection to your children goes a long way in their lives.
Have you seen my last post on “How to prioritize yourself as a wife?” Be sure to check it out.
Initially, I was going to write about an interesting topic. But due to the global pandemic, it dawned on me that a lot of people are having a hard time balancing their mental health. Especially with issues like depression and anxiety.
Depression is more prevalent in women, and that is because hormone fluctuations and biology during puberty, menstruation, pregnancy and even menopause may be a trigger for depression. Too often, people are unwilling to openly discuss their struggle with mental health for fear of self-depreciation, and shame. Going through a pandemic like COVID 19, brings about anxiousness for lots of people especially women and new moms. Social distancing being the best recommendation to contain the virus, limits accessibility to resources for people who are going through depression or anxiety. Despite these resources available to people who need help, the stigma attached to issues like depression keeps people from seeking the help they need. It might be easy for someone who hasn’t had an experience with depression to instantly think that one is having a thought of committing suicide. But depression manifests in different ways, what triggers one person, might not be the same for the other.
As women, our aim should be focused on being a source of strength and support to one another especially during this difficult time. Let’s not lose compassion, understanding, trust, and care for one other. It is sad to say that some women in today’s generation have rather gravitated to being gossipers, and bullies. Forgetting that we need each other’s love because when women support each other, incredible things happen. As women, we should be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a friend indeed to one another at all times. We should be available and easily approachable to a sister that is struggling with balancing her mental health especially now. None of our fellow women should feel judged by our response when she opens up about her struggles with mental health. Neither should any woman have fear and mistrust about opening up for reasons being that her issue would be shared between another party. Please note that depression is not a choice, and that might be anyone’s situation tomorrow. Mental health is not a joke and neither should it be taken likely.
What is Mental Health?
I once had an encounter with a new mom. As I was about screening her for postpartum depression using the Edinburgh Postpartum Depression Score (EPDS), I asked mom if she’s had any difficulties balancing her mental health since the last 7 days after her baby arrived? Can you guess what moms response was? Mom responded “Not me , I reject it. God forbid.” I looked at mom, and smiled because the way she responded is what my culture calls, being too extra. Though, It’s not her fault mom had thought my question meant if she had any mental illness. Her response enlightened me to know that because of the culture difference, some people are not exposed to what mental health is. Mental health in a simple explanation, is a state of balance between your psychological, emotional and social well being. It is what aids in the way we cope with the stresses of life, our work productivity, our contributions to our society or community etc. When we suffer with balancing our mental health, we can slowly gravitate to having mental illnesses. There are lists of common mental health disorders such as anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and schizophrenic disorders and all these mental disorders have treatments and ways to balance them. Please note that mental illness is nothing to be shy or ashamed of.
Anxiety disorder : Relates to a fear of certain object or situation. Usually people who suffer from this disorder, can get triggered when faced with a situation that brings about their anxiety. Examples of anxiety disorder are Post- traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) , Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Generalized anxiety disorders, and phobias.
Mood disorder: Mood disorder impacts one’s mood, energy, and ability to think clearly. A person who suffers from mood disorder, experiences a change in mood range from an elevated mood range (mania) to low mood range (depression). Examples of mood disorder are bipolar disorder, depression, and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
Schizophrenic disorder: This disorder has a complex condition. Typically, people who suffer from this disorder interprets reality abnormally. The signs and symptoms for this disorder may vary from person to person, but usually involves hallucinations, disorganized speech, an impaired ability to function, and delusions. There is a lifelong treatment for this type of mental disorder.
For anyone going through mental health with shame to ask for help. I understand how difficult and uncomfortable it can be. However, I assure you that speaking up and asking for help does not make you feeble but rather, it’s a sign of strength. If you need a listening ear and someone to express your feelings to. At the end of this blog, please shoot me an email via the contact form on the menu bar. I will try my best to get you the help you need.
Asking for help when dealing with mental health does not make you feeble – Vera Yanney
If you happen to know a lady who might be going through depression or anxiety. I urge you to please reach out. A simple, how are you? I hope you are okay? Goes a long way and the same goes for new moms. If you know a new mom please call to check up on her. Text her as often as you can. A lot of people fail to realize that when a new mom gives birth to a child. She is deserving of the same attention that the child gets. Check on a new mom and ask her what she needs help with? Buy her groceries, help to babysit, assist with laundry, and give her time to catch up on sleep. Of course, not now but when social distancing is lifted. By doing these, you decrease her likeliness of falling into postpartum depression.
There are several steps that you can take, to aid in optimizing your mental health during COVID 19.
Tips on how to balance your mental health during COVID-19.
1. Practice media distancing: Majority of what news outlets put on air now, is information and updates about the national crisis. To limit anxiety and depression, practice media distancing just as you’ve had to practice social distancing. Stay away from latest news, skip that Instagram or Facebook post about the virus, and do not research about it either. If the information is vital, trust me you will hear about it through word of mouth.
2. Time off work: Remember to take time off from work. It is advisable and important to take time off work for mental health. Use your PTO please to refuel as doing so will improve your performance and productivity significantly. Taking a mental health break from your company benefits both you and your workplace because it aids in morale and employee retention in the long run. So, yes go ahead and request off and do not feel bad about it neither should you allow anyone to convince you.
3. Focus on today: This goes for my moms & wives in particular. We are very scheduled and like to go according to what’s been planned on our calendar. But, I have to break it to you. Sticking to schedule in a global pandemic would only increase your chances of getting stressed. Do not worry so much about the meal to be prepared tomorrow, or ordering arts and crafts for home school in 4 days. Focus on the present at least throughout this pandemic. This can be tough, but we want what’s best for our mental health during this temporary period.
4. Beauty rest: Let’s try to look at things on the brighter side. This pandemic might be the only time we get to catch up on our sleep. As women, we need our beauty rest. So why not take advantage of this crisis? If you are a mom, set a time to sleep while hubby watches the kid(s) and vice versa. Pump and store up in the fridge so he doesn’t have to wake you up.
5. Become productive/ recreate: Prior to the pandemic, you can agree with me that working an 8 hour shift was overwhelming, and the weekends went by fast. There was barely any time to generate new ideas, nor become innovative. This period can be used to your advantage. Creating, planning, and attempting new skills puts your attention on what is satisfying. Learn a new hairstyle, give Hubby a shape up, reorganize your room and children’s room, plan that business, rewrite that resume, and learn to cook new delicacies. Join to name a few!
6. Cry: It is absolutely okay to have a meltdown and if you have to cry to feel a lot much better please do so. After all, we are all humans and crying is our mechanism for self soothing which releases oxytocin and endorphins. Go ahead and embrace your emotions and humanity. The aim is that you decompress.
7. Seek Therapy : Ladies, it is okay to admit that you are struggling and your plans are not falling in line especially during this period. That trip you booked, the weight gain, etc all these plans you had for 2020 not coming to fulfillment. I understand but, many issues that are suppressed are not dealt with. Therapy is so beneficial and there is no side effect associated with acquiring help through therapy. In fact, everyone needs to have a therapist and one does not have to be going through a crisis to seek therapy. So book an online therapy and just share those emotions with a certified professional. For my Christians, it is okay to talk to God, and have a therapist. During this period, we thank goodness for how easily accessible online therapy is and all you have to do is choose one that you feel connects to you.
8. Have faith: This period, I have stayed spiritually charged up in prayers and you should too. Jeremiah 29: 11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” If you are a Christian, and you believe in the word of God. This is the time to align yourself with God’s word and dispel every other thought and words that is contrary to what he has spoken over your life. Depression and Anxiety are not God’s plan for you regardless of what is going on around the world. If this helps, a friend of mine shared with me a church “Kingdom full tabernacle” on YouTube. They bring in empowering, life changing, and engaging topics for everyone. You will truly enjoy it. You can follow them on Instagram and also the assistant pastor, and First lady Lesley. Thank me later.
We might be away from social interactions, but we are all in this together- Vera Yanney
Ladies, I want you all to know that you are capable of getting through this. But, you don’t have to do it alone. Always remember that it is okay to ask for help. Asking for help when dealing with mental health does not make you feeble. Stay strong and hold on a little longer because you are capable of getting through this. Do not forget to send me an email via the contact form on the menu bar. I will try my best to get you the help you need.
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. Be sure to leave comments, and suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself . Do not forget that you are stronger than you can ever imagine.
It’s about to get hot! So get comfortable, pull your hair back, grab a wine, cross your leg and let’s talk.
One of my greatest honors in life is being a wife. Not just a wife but a wife to the best husband. Don’t get me wrong I love my son. But, my husband comes first. As a wife, you must put your husband first before your kids. Yes, I said you must put your husband first before your kids. Your kids are a product of the love shared between you and him. Without your husband, there will be no kids. Also remember your husband is your first love and then comes your kids. When you put your husband first, your children learn what true love should be like. It also keeps the love and bond shared together alive and ignited. That’s a different topic for another post. But today, we are focused on ourselves because we are the price here.
Before we get into this, as a wife and a mother I know how difficult it can be to prioritize myself. But, I do it anyway because my needs are important too. Before any titles added unto my name, I am a woman before anything. So, I must learn to take care of me.
During the stages of courting, I always kept it modest. I loved makeup, massages, looking my best, and getting my beauty treatment. You know, I carried myself with grace. When we got married, I had no intentions to change that and my husband loves it. I was ready to break that stigma that portrays self-loss when affiliated with married women with kids. Who made the rule that being a wife equated to self-loss? I understand that it is easier for women to lose themselves when they get into marriage. No matter how assertive, or successful a woman is we are natural born givers. We give up so much of ourselves, social life, body, values, and beliefs to our husband and children because we love them. But have you thought about your own happiness?
Before your husband approached you, he admired your looks. Men are naturally attracted to what they see. The first thing that caught your hubby’s eyes before anything else was your looks. So, why would you want to let go of that spark that convinced him that you were worth getting to know?
Some women end up developing self-hate because they have no idea on how to return to the things they love or interests they had prior to marriage. Why wait till you find yourself in this dilemma? When you could have made a conscious effort from the beginning. To the wives with more than one kids, do not make your kids an excuse as to why you failed to prioritize yourself. But perhaps, times have changed and as millennial wives, we come into marriage with self-worth, power, passion, purpose, ambition, love, partnership and God.
One of the main reason why people deviate from marriage is boredom. Boredom in your looks, boredom in bed, and boredom all rounded. A wife should learn to be all round spontaneous. As a couple, be willing to give each other more to look forward to. It’s true that when you get so familiar with your partner, the butterflies can seem to fade away gradually. Don’t get me wrong the love still remains but as you introduce children to the equation, shared responsibilities, accrued debts etc. It becomes tough to keep these feelings ignited. Nonetheless, both parties need to learn how to spice things up. In a marriage where the wife is romantic, and the husband isn’t. As a wife, take the lead in planning while your husband pays. The hope is that he also learns to treat you to a romantic scenery. There is nothing wrong in doing this and do not make societal norm dictate for you how to spice up your marriage.
Do not stop reading, we are getting deeper. Grab more wine if you need too. The upgrade you get from being a wife is meant to be upscale. Unmarried women should not have the audacity to compete with you. Your presence as a wife should command respect. So, I ask you what happened to your needs when you became a wife?
What does it mean to prioritize yourself?
In a simple explanation, prioritizing yourself means putting yourself on the same list of importance as you do with everyone else. In regards to a being a wife, your family is your most important priority. That is absolutely necessary and beautiful. However, you must note that your family looks up to you and they take note of how you treat yourself. Outside of cooking meals, and being the best at interior decors. Give your husband, your children, and yourself multiple reasons to be proud of you. Marriage should not be the reason you forget yourself. Why should you neglect the interests you have, the visions you see, and the hobbies you love all because of marriage? Getting married should rather inspire you to be all around sophisticated than you were prior to marriage. My husband continues to support me to explore more about myself. He has inspired me to be the woman I am today. He is not envious of my accomplishments because he has a mindset of if I win, he wins. Getting married to him is the best thing that has happened to my being and I thank God for him everyday.
How to prioritize yourself as a wife and why?
1. Self-care: If you follow me on Instagram. Self-care is my favorite concentration to talk about. As a wife, you have to learn to give yourself the same priority card as you give your husband and kids. You should practice what I call having a selfish time away from wifely responsibilities. Getting married should never be an excuse for you to give up things you enjoy doing. Learn to create hobbies that do not require your husband’s involvement. Doing things on your own will help you stay connected to yourself and cultivate a sense of self. I will write a blog on self-care because self-care is a topic on its own. But in the meantime, here are some examples of things I indulge in for self-care as a wife : Get dolled up, work out and diet, go on a shopping spree, book a spa date, exfoliate my face, manicure and pedicure, switch up my closet, get on a path to personal development, book wifely trips with my fellow wife friends, and set boundaries.
2. Get something doing for yourself: Thankfully, we are in a generation where women are allowed to have almost the same opportunities as men. This should make you aspire to have something going on for you. You can be a stay home mom who works from home. The goal is to get your hand on something that can generate income outside of your husband’s wealth. Your husband should not be the only provider in your household. Actually, when you have a source of income, you earn more respect from your husband. He will love and adore you more because you are his support. No matter how little, it goes a long way. While you are at it, save ladies. You need to learn to save because there will come a time when things will become tough. As a support to your husband, you should be able to say “I got it babe, don’t worry about it.” I do this a lot, and my husband loves it so much because it makes him proud. As a wife, It also gives me a sense of self-worth and contentment.
3. Invest: Have another source of revenue. Research on how to invest in stocks, forex, real estate, and businesses. You are a wife, and a boss so act like one. Generate assets and not liabilities, think ahead for the raining days for your self and family. A wife is the pillar of her home. My husband calls me the pillar of our home because I am there to hold it all together so we don’t fall. I provide support when the need be. I am the extra eyes wandering looking for holes to secure. So nothing can bring my home crashing by God’s grace.
4. Spend on yourself: It is absolutely important to meet your financial obligation and prioritize family needs but a wife needs things too. Spending on yourself lifts your spirit and it makes you feel better and happier. It is also a way of rewarding yourself for all the hard work you invest into your home. It is a healthy thing to do because it boosts your confidence. Take for example, when you buy a new wig, or get fresh acrylics you feel really happy right ? Yes, just as you should because you are worth it. So take some money out for yourself when planning for your families need and do not feel guilty doing so. Lest I forget, hubby gets to compliment you too. Who wouldn’t want that?
5. Dress Sexy: No for real, be a sexy wife. I cannot stress this enough. A wife is not suppose to be boring. Dress sexy for you, and then for your husband. When you look your best, you feel great. Get rid of that large grandma panties that do not highlight your assets. We do not bring that into marriage. Reserve that for special times of the month or if you are a new mom because you’d need it for the necessities. Buy lingerie, crop tops, booty shorts, and sexy panties Etc. These are what you should wear around the house. Prior to when you got married, I am sure you enjoyed putting on sexy outfits. Gone are the day when wives wore baggy dresses or yoga pants with lose t-shirts. For wives with toddlers, or grown up kids. You can try tight yoga pants that highlight your cakes. Give that man a lounge view and trust me, even though you are doing this for your husband, you will feel so confident in yourself. Be sure to take that sexiness outside with you when you dress up on a date with hubby. Wear something a little revealing but yet classy. A sexy wife, is a happy wife.
6. Initiate sex : Sex is important in a marriage. Couples should have regular sex. I know it can get hard with kids but it is required to make out time for sexual intimacy. Wives need sex as much as hubby’s do and this makes it a priority of yours too. The increase in Libido is needed in marriage. Don’t be shy to send a naughty text to your hubby. If you don’t who will ? Send him that provocative text, dress nasty for him with candles on, sexual music playing in the background, rose pedals, role play, and take the lead. Doing these, will make him feel wanted, it lets him know you want him and you desire him. But leave him to chase you.
7. Give your husband space: Even while you want to get sexy, and intimate with hubby. Another rule of thumb is to give your husband space. I know that you are married, and living in the same house. He is your best friend and I get it. But you don’t want your husband feeling choked. A wife needs to learn how to prioritize and embrace her individuality. Being too clingy to your husband can cause you to lose your identity and you do not want to get there because losing your identity can create hopelessness, worthlessness, anxiety, and low self-esteem. So, give him space to do what he enjoys and go watch a movie, call a friend, get innovative or whatever works best for you.
8. Maintain your body & eat clean: This is a tough one that requires hard work and commitment. I am all for wives embracing their postpartum bodies, stretch marks, weight gain and all. But if you think about it, maintaining your body and eating clean boosts your energy levels and keeps your system running smoothly. If you are like me, every time I work out my stress level is low and my energy level is high. Maintaining your body also boosts your confidence whether you are in the house half naked or fully dressed on a date.
9. Make sleep a priority: The most easiest and simplest thing to do. But yet, we neglect it. Make a commitment to get enough sleep when you can. If you are a wife with kids, have hubby watch the kids sometimes while you go get some sleep. I am a firm believer that having an adequate sleep aids in productivity, mentally sharp minds, a young, and vibrant skin.
10. Do not compare yourself: Comparing and competing with other wives will hinder you from experiencing happiness and joy within yourself. It can lead to inaccurate assumptions of the other parties’ qualities. Remember, the aim is to focus on yourself and not others. What is green on the other side is only greener because it was watered continuously. Work and focus on yourself.
11. Prayer: Prayer is the key to everything it is an essential priority. It takes strength to balance roles as a woman and also prioritize yourself. You need to ask God for the strength and grace in everything you set your mind to. Lack of prayer and strength from God to venture into anything , would lead to loss in enthusiasm. Additionally, as a wife I urge you to be in constant prayer for the things of your heart and also for your family. Not everyone is happy for you and your home. So, do not stop praying.
Wives, remember that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself because it is the foundation of any other relationship. So, it makes sense to prioritize and nurture it. You are a woman, a wife, and a queen to his kingdom. The way you prioritize yourself also reflects on your husband. When you see me, you see my husband and vice versa.
Getting married should inspire you to be more sophisticated than you were prior to marriage. – Vera Yanney.
Thank you for reading my blog and I will see you beautiful women on my next post. Be safe, and gentle on yourself and remember to prioritize yourself as a wife.
Don’t forget to like this content, share, comment, leave suggestions on topics you would like to see, and follow my blog.
The most empowering stage in my life was when I was pregnant with my son. I am thankful to God, and privileged to be called a Mother. This is a role that I do not take for granted. Mother’s day this year was one I looked forward to because it’s my first. But, turns out that we are housebound. All thanks to Quarantine and social distancing. Regardless of the situation at ground, we are very much worthy of being celebrated today.
There is so much to celebrate in motherhood, being able to carry life for 10 months & deliver it. Has taught me that there isn’t anything a woman can’t do.
The exhaustion of motherhood is real mentally, physically, and emotionally. This journey requires complete dedication, and selflessness to your baby. But as my son grows and reaches these milestones, I am content in knowing that my sacrifices are paying off. Regardless of the hard work that comes with mothering.
I find myself waking up in the middle of the night. Not to the sound of my infant crying, but just to stare at him as he sleeps. Not to breastfeed, but to watch him breathe. Not to change his diaper, but to say a prayer over him because he is everything to me and MORE!!!
I love this phase of my life. I feel so content, and fulfilled. I might have tried and failed at some things. But, I will NEVER stop giving 100% at being the best mom I can be. No matter how difficult.
Motherhood is wonderful, even in the chaos. It’s a life changer. And I’m grateful for this privilege. This is the closest I’ve gotten to unconditional love and by far one of the greatest blessings God has given me.
To all Mothers,
Mothers who are first time moms,
Mothers who are mourning the loss of a child,
Mothers who are waiting to meet their first baby,
Mothers who are currently pregnant,
Mothers who are surrogates,
Mothers who are apart from their kids due to one reason or the other,
Mothers who have lost that bond with their children,
Mothers who are spiritually strong for her fellow woman,
First born daughters who play the role of mothers,
Whatever the role as a Mother means to you.
You are celebrated today because you are power, strength & kindness. You may feel broken, but you make broken look beautiful. You take the universe on your shoulder and make it look like a breath of fresh air. I want you to know that you are absolutely beautiful in your postpartum body. And those stripes of a tiger, have been earned. They are your affirmation that you birthed life.
From one mother to another, motherhood look so good on you. Be kind and gentle with yourself because you are the bomb in this role. I know it is tough, but take the time out today to relax. You deserve it.
No matter what stage of motherhood you are in. Take a moment to celebrate yourself. You deserve a pat on the back.
What better way can I start off my blog without introducing myself as a woman? Yes Queen, take pride in being a woman before any other titles added unto that.
Dear woman, reading this blog before you proceed. I want you to pause, take a few seconds to describe yourself as a woman. What qualities as a woman do you take pride in? Just appreciate yourself for a few seconds. All done? Okay ladies, let’s get into this.
As a woman, you have to be willing to grow and discover yourself on a deeper level. At some point in life, you should venture on a path to personal development. Why did I say this? Because the most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself.
So, what is personal development?
Personal development is a period in a person’s life when you take a step back to build your best self. That consists of your skills, qualities, friends, bank account, environment, mentality, spirituality. In this period, you set goals for yourself as a woman. You get selfish with yourself. It’s a time for overall growth, to bring out the most authentic version of your womanhood. Did you know? Women, who do not invest in personal development often become unhappy, they stay stagnant, and they have low self-esteem and feel resentment.
“Look around you. Everything changes. everything on this earth is in a continuous state of evolving, refining, improving, adapting, enhancing, and changing. You were not put on this earth to remain stagnant.” Dr. Steve Mataboli
Think of personal development as a flower. A flower needs water to grow and blossom. A flower stops growing when it isn’t watered often, exposed to sunlight, plucked of dead leaves, and trimmed. Nature is an excellent example of an incredible potential to grow. As a woman, you need to be in charge of watering your flower.
Don’t stop reading. I will share some tips and life experiences that will leave you thinking.
My path to personal development.
At some point in my life, I decided it was time for me to move out of my parent’s house because I loved the freedom and independence I enjoyed when I lived in the dorm. After I found an apartment, I had to learn how to navigate life as an adult. I landed a part time job, and was also a part time student. My path to personal development started, when I worked as an assistant teacher in a daycare. Every day I was at work, I told myself that I wanted more. I advised myself not to get comfortable with whatever income I was getting at the time. I wanted to be someone I will be proud of, and someone my children can boast of. So, I switched majors after doing so many research on what I really wanted for myself and not what my parents wanted for me. Long story short, I pursued a major I had passion for, and landed a job in my field of focus in Maternal and Child Health which I love so much.
That experience as a daycare teacher birthed the woman I am today. Remember in the beginning of this blog I asked that you take a few seconds to describe what qualities you take pride in as a woman?
Here is mine: I am empathetic, attentive, conscientious, grounded, strong, focused, persistent, resilient, confident, and forgiving. I am multifaceted.
I shared my story to encourage a woman out there. That some experiences in life shape us to become more powerful and grounded in ourselves. You don’t have to confine yourself to these barriers. No, use it to your advantage. Live your best life, do not let your thoughts hinder you from empowering your personal growth. A life coach Friedrich Nietzsche said
Who are you? A lot of women struggle with this question. It is never okay to feel intimidated and be in denial about who you are. After all, no one is perfect. I advise you to bask in your true self because it is easier, than keeping up with a made up version of you. Who cares what people think?
Be happy: Sound’s simple but it’s true. When you are happy, you tend to see the positive side of you, than dwell on the negative. I look at myself in the mirror countless times. And I tell myself, I am sexy. I am happy with my current self. As I continue to put in a conscious effort to be the best version of the woman I want to be.
Dream and Create visions: You cannot attain personal development without creating a dream, and then working towards it to bring it to reality. When creating a dream and vision, do it because it is what you want for yourself. Forget about seeking approval from people. Doing so, will make you lose inspiration and motivation for that vision.
Work on your area of Focus: What do you entail to achieve? Make sure you are applying yourself to that focus. Even if it is 30 minutes a day. A popular quote says, “A drop of water, makes a mighty ocean.” That goes in line with working on your area of focus. Investing 30 minutes a day, is a gradual step. It will add up in the long run. Just start!. A wise man said,
“We are the architects of our fortune, and the same architects of our misfortune.”- RIP Daddy.
What happens after personal development?
Reconnect: Reconnecting with our true self, brings us peace and satisfaction. People around you, will want to become familiar with you because of the self-love you exhilarate around them. And, gradually your self-esteem will be at its peak.
Self-acceptance: Self-acceptance allows us to forgive ourselves, it gives us the satisfaction of a healthy sense of self love. Certain comments people throw at you will not affect you because you have learned to be a friend to yourself. At this stage, it’s not worth fighting to prove your worth to someone. You choose to accept people’s judgement about you with neutrality or not. It wouldn’t bother you as much because you have acceptance.
Responsibility: This stage, you take matters into your hands to be the change you want to see. You would not wait for anyone to talk down on you before you take that step to evoke self-growth. As a woman, you’d learn to live proactively rather than re-actively. We are responsible for our own lives. No one will save you, you have to make the changes yourself. It may feel like a burden but trust me it’s empowering.
Purpose: When we live with purpose, we are influenced to shape our actions, you live by your own beliefs and purpose. At this stage you make sure to set priorities, and achieve them. Above all, live in the moment and live your life full of purpose and not regret.
I assure you, that this is a process, and it will not happen overnight. It’s about the work you put in. The end result is attaining your best self. Don’t allow the waiting process make you doubt what God promised you. You already have everything it takes just do it.
If you want it, go after it. If you allow fear and doubt to paralyze you, you wouldn’t go far.
“Release yourself from the fear of your mind, thoughts, self doubt, and self rejection and just DO IT!!!.” – Vera Yanney
Thank you for reading my blog and I will see you lovelies on my next blog. Be sure to follow my blog, drop comments, and suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself as you work on your personal development. 🙂 🙂
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