It’s about to get hot! So get comfortable, pull your hair back, grab a wine, cross your leg and let’s talk.
One of my greatest honors in life is being a wife. Not just a wife but a wife to the best husband. Don’t get me wrong I love my son. But, my husband comes first. As a wife, you must put your husband first before your kids. Yes, I said you must put your husband first before your kids. Your kids are a product of the love shared between you and him. Without your husband, there will be no kids. Also remember your husband is your first love and then comes your kids. When you put your husband first, your children learn what true love should be like. It also keeps the love and bond shared together alive and ignited. That’s a different topic for another post. But today, we are focused on ourselves because we are the price here.
Before we get into this, as a wife and a mother I know how difficult it can be to prioritize myself. But, I do it anyway because my needs are important too. Before any titles added unto my name, I am a woman before anything. So, I must learn to take care of me.
During the stages of courting, I always kept it modest. I loved makeup, massages, looking my best, and getting my beauty treatment. You know, I carried myself with grace. When we got married, I had no intentions to change that and my husband loves it. I was ready to break that stigma that portrays self-loss when affiliated with married women with kids. Who made the rule that being a wife equated to self-loss? I understand that it is easier for women to lose themselves when they get into marriage. No matter how assertive, or successful a woman is we are natural born givers. We give up so much of ourselves, social life, body, values, and beliefs to our husband and children because we love them. But have you thought about your own happiness?
Before your husband approached you, he admired your looks. Men are naturally attracted to what they see. The first thing that caught your hubby’s eyes before anything else was your looks. So, why would you want to let go of that spark that convinced him that you were worth getting to know?
Some women end up developing self-hate because they have no idea on how to return to the things they love or interests they had prior to marriage. Why wait till you find yourself in this dilemma? When you could have made a conscious effort from the beginning. To the wives with more than one kids, do not make your kids an excuse as to why you failed to prioritize yourself. But perhaps, times have changed and as millennial wives, we come into marriage with self-worth, power, passion, purpose, ambition, love, partnership and God.
One of the main reason why people deviate from marriage is boredom. Boredom in your looks, boredom in bed, and boredom all rounded. A wife should learn to be all round spontaneous. As a couple, be willing to give each other more to look forward to. It’s true that when you get so familiar with your partner, the butterflies can seem to fade away gradually. Don’t get me wrong the love still remains but as you introduce children to the equation, shared responsibilities, accrued debts etc. It becomes tough to keep these feelings ignited. Nonetheless, both parties need to learn how to spice things up. In a marriage where the wife is romantic, and the husband isn’t. As a wife, take the lead in planning while your husband pays. The hope is that he also learns to treat you to a romantic scenery. There is nothing wrong in doing this and do not make societal norm dictate for you how to spice up your marriage.
Do not stop reading, we are getting deeper. Grab more wine if you need too. The upgrade you get from being a wife is meant to be upscale. Unmarried women should not have the audacity to compete with you. Your presence as a wife should command respect. So, I ask you what happened to your needs when you became a wife?
What does it mean to prioritize yourself?
In a simple explanation, prioritizing yourself means putting yourself on the same list of importance as you do with everyone else. In regards to a being a wife, your family is your most important priority. That is absolutely necessary and beautiful. However, you must note that your family looks up to you and they take note of how you treat yourself. Outside of cooking meals, and being the best at interior decors. Give your husband, your children, and yourself multiple reasons to be proud of you. Marriage should not be the reason you forget yourself. Why should you neglect the interests you have, the visions you see, and the hobbies you love all because of marriage? Getting married should rather inspire you to be all around sophisticated than you were prior to marriage. My husband continues to support me to explore more about myself. He has inspired me to be the woman I am today. He is not envious of my accomplishments because he has a mindset of if I win, he wins. Getting married to him is the best thing that has happened to my being and I thank God for him everyday.
How to prioritize yourself as a wife and why?
1. Self-care: If you follow me on Instagram. Self-care is my favorite concentration to talk about. As a wife, you have to learn to give yourself the same priority card as you give your husband and kids. You should practice what I call having a selfish time away from wifely responsibilities. Getting married should never be an excuse for you to give up things you enjoy doing. Learn to create hobbies that do not require your husband’s involvement. Doing things on your own will help you stay connected to yourself and cultivate a sense of self. I will write a blog on self-care because self-care is a topic on its own. But in the meantime, here are some examples of things I indulge in for self-care as a wife : Get dolled up, work out and diet, go on a shopping spree, book a spa date, exfoliate my face, manicure and pedicure, switch up my closet, get on a path to personal development, book wifely trips with my fellow wife friends, and set boundaries.
2. Get something doing for yourself: Thankfully, we are in a generation where women are allowed to have almost the same opportunities as men. This should make you aspire to have something going on for you. You can be a stay home mom who works from home. The goal is to get your hand on something that can generate income outside of your husband’s wealth. Your husband should not be the only provider in your household. Actually, when you have a source of income, you earn more respect from your husband. He will love and adore you more because you are his support. No matter how little, it goes a long way. While you are at it, save ladies. You need to learn to save because there will come a time when things will become tough. As a support to your husband, you should be able to say “I got it babe, don’t worry about it.” I do this a lot, and my husband loves it so much because it makes him proud. As a wife, It also gives me a sense of self-worth and contentment.
3. Invest: Have another source of revenue. Research on how to invest in stocks, forex, real estate, and businesses. You are a wife, and a boss so act like one. Generate assets and not liabilities, think ahead for the raining days for your self and family. A wife is the pillar of her home. My husband calls me the pillar of our home because I am there to hold it all together so we don’t fall. I provide support when the need be. I am the extra eyes wandering looking for holes to secure. So nothing can bring my home crashing by God’s grace.
4. Spend on yourself: It is absolutely important to meet your financial obligation and prioritize family needs but a wife needs things too. Spending on yourself lifts your spirit and it makes you feel better and happier. It is also a way of rewarding yourself for all the hard work you invest into your home. It is a healthy thing to do because it boosts your confidence. Take for example, when you buy a new wig, or get fresh acrylics you feel really happy right ? Yes, just as you should because you are worth it. So take some money out for yourself when planning for your families need and do not feel guilty doing so. Lest I forget, hubby gets to compliment you too. Who wouldn’t want that?
6. Initiate sex : Sex is important in a marriage. Couples should have regular sex. I know it can get hard with kids but it is required to make out time for sexual intimacy. Wives need sex as much as hubby’s do and this makes it a priority of yours too. The increase in Libido is needed in marriage. Don’t be shy to send a naughty text to your hubby. If you don’t who will ? Send him that provocative text, dress nasty for him with candles on, sexual music playing in the background, rose pedals, role play, and take the lead. Doing these, will make him feel wanted, it lets him know you want him and you desire him. But leave him to chase you.
7. Give your husband space: Even while you want to get sexy, and intimate with hubby. Another rule of thumb is to give your husband space. I know that you are married, and living in the same house. He is your best friend and I get it. But you don’t want your husband feeling choked. A wife needs to learn how to prioritize and embrace her individuality. Being too clingy to your husband can cause you to lose your identity and you do not want to get there because losing your identity can create hopelessness, worthlessness, anxiety, and low self-esteem. So, give him space to do what he enjoys and go watch a movie, call a friend, get innovative or whatever works best for you.
8. Maintain your body & eat clean: This is a tough one that requires hard work and commitment. I am all for wives embracing their postpartum bodies, stretch marks, weight gain and all. But if you think about it, maintaining your body and eating clean boosts your energy levels and keeps your system running smoothly. If you are like me, every time I work out my stress level is low and my energy level is high. Maintaining your body also boosts your confidence whether you are in the house half naked or fully dressed on a date.
9. Make sleep a priority: The most easiest and simplest thing to do. But yet, we neglect it. Make a commitment to get enough sleep when you can. If you are a wife with kids, have hubby watch the kids sometimes while you go get some sleep. I am a firm believer that having an adequate sleep aids in productivity, mentally sharp minds, a young, and vibrant skin.
10. Do not compare yourself: Comparing and competing with other wives will hinder you from experiencing happiness and joy within yourself. It can lead to inaccurate assumptions of the other parties’ qualities. Remember, the aim is to focus on yourself and not others. What is green on the other side is only greener because it was watered continuously. Work and focus on yourself.
11. Prayer: Prayer is the key to everything it is an essential priority. It takes strength to balance roles as a woman and also prioritize yourself. You need to ask God for the strength and grace in everything you set your mind to. Lack of prayer and strength from God to venture into anything , would lead to loss in enthusiasm. Additionally, as a wife I urge you to be in constant prayer for the things of your heart and also for your family. Not everyone is happy for you and your home. So, do not stop praying.
Wives, remember that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself because it is the foundation of any other relationship. So, it makes sense to prioritize and nurture it. You are a woman, a wife, and a queen to his kingdom. The way you prioritize yourself also reflects on your husband. When you see me, you see my husband and vice versa.
Below, is one of my stylish wife and mom friends. Mrs Diane Hassan, is a woman, wife, mother, YouTuber, and a content creator to name a few. She is all about fashion and style. With her permission, you can follow her on Instagram for fashion inspiration for a wife. Tell her I sent you. 🙂
Getting married should inspire you to be more sophisticated than you were prior to marriage.
– Vera Yanney.
Thank you for reading my blog and I will see you beautiful women on my next post. Be safe, and gentle on yourself and remember to prioritize yourself as a wife.
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