Our childhood experiences mostly bring back amazing memories and we could talk about it for a considerable length of time. It’s one of the ways we bond. My husband and I are originally from West Africa but two different countries. He is Ghanaian while I’m Nigerian. We share similar personalities and cultures.
Through our childhood experiences, we reflect on things our parents did that we would love to impart in our children. An example for my husband would be, apologizing to our children when he is wrong. While I, on the other hand, would teach our children the power of gratitude.
When we welcomed our son. We realized that we both have different parenting styles. Particularly, it was difficult for me because I always thought I was right ‘mommy instinct.’ But, I had to learn to let my husband parent our son how he wants to.
What I’m saying is, kids need both a mother and a father, and it isn’t just about family solidarity. Children need both the nurturing style that moms bring to the family as well as a more challenging and real-life based style that seem to be inborn in fathers.
I am often the parent who is more tuned into our baby’s specific needs. It’s is simply just an emotional connection between mother and child that a father simply doesn’t get. I likewise deliberately offer more positive affirmations and so forth.
While my husband, on the other hand, is often the parent with the more intense play style. Trust me our kid loves playtime with daddy a lot. Additionally, hubby is already preparing our son on how to prepare for the real world. An excellent example would be when our son took his first step, his advice to him was
“it’s okay to fall, son, you just shouldn’t quit. When you fall, you have to keep trying. You are my son and you can do it.” (Isn’t that just so cute? This is one of the reason’s I married him. He’s such a darling and a Super dad).
My husband’s sacrifices tend to be more focused on the family as a whole and less on our son. Which I love by the way. He’d always say to our son “I love you, but I love your mother more.” Okay, enough bragging about super husband and dad!!!
We have found and are still finding the appropriate balance between parenting styles which we believe is the key to success in parenting.
Some ways we make it work
1. No open disagreements: This is the first parenting style we discussed. We promised not to disagree on parenting in front of our kids. If one of us has to let the other parent take the lead in a given situation, we’d let that happen and then we’d talk about it later.
2. Stay on the same page: I wouldn’t be right all the time and neither will my husband. However, we definitely will be very intentional about supporting each other and staying on the same page. Children are very wise they observe closely how their parents interact with each other. They can set one parent in opposition to the other by becoming manipulative and they do this by going to the parent with the permissive parenting style. This is why it’s best to stay on the same page and back each other up to maintain structure in parenting and also to keep peace in your relationship with your spouse.
3. Compromise: Earlier in this write-up, I mentioned how I learned to allow my spouse parent our child how he needs to. There are things that a father fosters in a child that a mother cannot and there are things that can be ingrained in a child only by a mother.
4. Create rules together: An example for my husband and me would be bedtime for our son. Since the pandemic, it’s been tough for our son to stick to his bedtime routine. But typically, we stay away from the late-night play with our little one. We believe creating rules together helps us stay grounded in our parenting style. In the future, as we set rules, we plan on having an open discussion with our children just to make sure we are all on the same page.
Each parent makes mistakes and as children grow, parenting becomes more challenging. It’s okay to agree to disagree in parenting but pay attention when it becomes hostile and chronic.
At the point where your partner makes mistakes, don’t lay allegations but rather talk it through. Remember that you are a team and not opponents. Differences in parenting styles happen but you shouldn’t allow that ruin your relationship.
Importantly, make sure that you live each day as a wonderful model for your kids. Children are influenced by all we do because they are constantly watching.
As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. New content gets published on Saturdays at 12pm. Please follow MomRapport to stay updated with my latest blog posts. Don’t forget to share, like, comment, and leave suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to treat yourself. You are deserving of it.
See you soon and Stay Safe !!! 🙂