There is no manual to prepare for this role? And neither can you know all there is to motherhood. I don’t care how many books you read or how many TED talks you attend. You just get thrown into the deep end one day and figure things out for yourself, all while holding on to your sanity with everything you’ve got. Yet, motherhood is one privilege that almost every woman wishes to experience.
I am blessed to be a mom. From a very young age, I knew motherhood was in my future, and I couldn’t wait to become a mother. When I finally became a mother, nothing could beat that feeling of ecstasy that motherhood brings about. I am ready to go to war for him, protect him, and soak him in God’s word everyday. The connection and bond between my husband and I became STRONGER.
Despite all of these, motherhood tested my career. Upon returning to work after maternity leave, I found it difficult to concentrate at work. I just wanted to cuddle my son, and for working moms, you know how real separation anxiety hits you. Eventually, it got better with time with the help of our amazing nanny.
Motherhood is the best hood. But it is anything but easy. Sometimes, you just want a break from it all because it can cause you to lose your sanity. While it is important as a mom to learn to balance parenting and having time for yourself. It isn’t always easy. I believe every mom can agree to that. People who are not in the same parenting boat as us mothers will have a tougher time understanding some things we experience.
This is why I decided to compile this list of some of the things moms wish other people knew. Alongside, share with you all some experiences from real moms.
- Every mom is learning on the job
Do not expect moms to be perfect. We’re all learning on the job, and we are going to make mistakes because we are humans. As long as we prioritize the well being of our kids, and we keep giving our best every day to be the best parent to them, that’s all that matters.
- Motherhood is about sacrifice
Motherhood is the toughest responsibility on the planet. Part of what we go through as moms, is sacrificing much of ourselves for our kids. Every plan we have for ourselves takes a back seat when we have to play our roles as mothers. At a point in time, we go on a path to self re-discovery. And when we eventually find our new self, this process takes time. Most moms I know are still in the process of self-rediscovery and that is absolutely okay. It’s a continual learning process.
- Being a working mom is tough
There is still a lot of stigma in some parts of the world that presumes working moms are selfish. In some parts of the world, it is expected for women to “sacrifice” their jobs to nurture and care for their children at home. Being a working mom does not mean a mother puts her career above her kids. Working moms, just like every other working woman, do it because they want better opportunities for themselves and their families. For working moms, like myself, I love being a role model for my kid(s). I want them to grow up to see that a woman can also have a successful career outside a home. When I’m at work, I’m still a mom. My “job” as a mom never ends, I have no weekly offs or monthly offs. Turns out, it’s a 24/7 lifetime role!
- Every baby is different
There is nothing as annoying as other people trying to compare your child to their own children, their siblings, or something they read online. There is nothing wrong with our baby not sleeping through the night at one year old. There is nothing wrong with our child not speaking coherently by 36 months. Don’t ask a mom what she’s going to do to fix these, because that’s offensive.
- Every mom is different
Just like every baby is different, there are different ways to be a mother. None of them is better than any other. The best parenting style for you is the one that you decide works for you. Mom shaming is just not right, even if you do not agree with someone else’s parenting style.
Below are experiences shared by Boss mama’s in their motherhood journey.
Brand new mommy here! I’m only 3 weeks into this thing but I’m learning a ton. The first thing I learned was babies are magic! I feel like no one told me how incredible it would feel holding my own child then getting to bond with him everyday. It’s truly indescribable. Magic is the closet word I can come up with. I’m still adapting to my new sleep schedule but I don’t mind waking up for my son one bit. I have learned to take care of my body by eating well, making that afternoon nap happen and staying hydrated. I’m also learning first hand how important fathers are. Seeing them bond is the highlight of my day. I’m so grateful to have a hands on partner and for our communication as we take on this new chapter together. I want people to know you can’t spoil a newborn! Babies are not born with the ability to self soothe. All babies are different but my son only cries when he has a need. We try to tend to him and give him what he needs right away before he gets too upset. This is building trust with him. In my personality psychology class in college I remember learning about how our personalities start to develop even in infancy and the part our environment plays in that.
LaShelle Records, 32 years old
Being a mother have been an unlearning and learning process , you have to take everything you know ,thought you know and research it and see what work for your child . Being a mother have been a beautiful journey with a stain of breast milk on all my shirts lol . Motherhood isn’t the easiest thing , every phase is scary , every change made me worried but every change also made me grow . Their will be many people telling u different things to do but you have to study your child and see what work for them . Don’t be offended by all the advice given to you by other mothers but also don’t let them overpower you , find your balance and choose the best option for you and your child . Create time for yourself , don’t be afraid to ask for help , don’t be afraid to ask for alone time . Motherhood is a change , and just like every change , you will doubt yourself sometimes and feel like your are failing but guess what ? You got this , you will find straight in that beautiful baby smile , you will wake up staring at your child , you will feel a joy you never experience , you push through and you give all the knowledge of the world you have learn and pass it on to your child !! You are the best mother your child need
Motherhood is one of the most rewarding yet most exhausting experiences ever. My son is 2 and I have been a stay at home mom since he was born. You’re constantly going between wanting a 10 minute break to be alone, but not wanting to be apart from your baby, and feeling guilty for wanting alone time. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything! When he randomly gets all excited & runs over to me, hugs my leg and says love you in his precious little voice…that makes it all worthwhile.
Ve-Denise Varnon, 29 years old
My experience with motherhood has been one heck of a ride and there’s many ups and downs. At times it’s tiring but seeing the smile or the joy of the baby makes it all worth it. Being a mother has taught me patience and time management because as a wife and mother, I have to be more organized taking care of my family and the house. I wish people can understand the toll motherhood has on mothers mentally and physically.
My experience with motherhood has been amazing even with the challenges and learning curves. I feel I can directly can shape my little two minds and help make the future a better place. I wish others would understand that every day is a blessing and a new learning curve. Let yesterday mistake live in yesterday. Sometimes I get down on myself and I wonder if I am rearing them right? Only time will tell. So I hope for the best and live in the present.
Markeshia W, 31
Ok here goes, My name is Robin Mikolyski and I’m almost 39 years old. I became a mother 11 years ago and now have four children. What I wish for people to understand is that no matter what, you can’t control what your child does; you can only control your reaction!
Robin Mikolyski, 39.
There is abundant joy surrounding the birth of new baby. Experiencing the first moments of the miracle of life will never be forgotten. Life changes, in the blink of an eye. With that one final push, I was now a mom. For some, it was a seamless transition. For me, not so much. It changed me, and I wasn’t sure I liked the change. Don’t get me wrong, I love my babies…..BUT I also wanted me. I was independent, adventurous, and fun, but now I was grounded, and felt stuck. I lost myself when I became a mom, so I thought! I found myself when I realized it is OK to do things for me. I was under the false impression that becoming a mom meant life had to be all about my kids now. I found myself when I fought to find myself. I didn’t want to be the person that I had become. I didn’t want to feel sad, always searching for joy. Acknowledging that I was unhappy and that I could make changes in my attitude was a game changer. I found myself when I realized God is refining me, and accepting I am a work in progress. I found myself when I started something new. Little did I know, Motherhood meant, finding the real me. The brave, loving, resilient, and sacrificing me. Motherhood is allowing me to find the rawest form of myself as I uncover and discover the deeper parts of my soul that I never knew existed.
Xo, Rose Contes, 32
My experience with motherhood so far has been a lot of learning, unlearning, research, patience, loving on my baby and just doing what works best for me. Being a first time mom is always nerve racking, and everyday isn’t the same but your confidence grows daily with experience. One thing I’d like others to know is that, it’s okay for a mom to go out and have fun. It doesn’t make them a “bad mom”. I think there is this stigma against moms who take time out for themselves frequently. Motherhood comes with lots of different stressors so if you see a mom out with friends, just know she truly needs and deserve that. We need to encourage more of it. Once you are happy, you will always present your best self.
Moms come in all shapes and sizes. From working moms to stay at home moms to single moms to same-sex couple moms to adoptive moms and everything in between. At the end of the day, we are humans who are allowed to make mistakes. Cut moms some slack and treat them kindly. Just like you, we thrive on love, support, and understanding.
I hope this has given you a deeper appreciation for the wonderful jobs we are doing as moms.
Momma’s keep doing what you do. There is no point in trying to be a perfect mom as long as you are putting in your best that’s all that matters.
Make time for yourself, and do not forget you are exactly who your children need. Most importantly, when you need help do not feel guilty asking for help. You’ve got this, super mom!