8 Ways and Reasons to Show Affection to Your Children.

We think about our children’s future all the time, we envision what profession they would pursue, and what adventures they’d embark on. It’s every parent’s dream to want the best for his or her child and that is absolutely necessary and beautiful. A child’s development is mostly affected by the family he or she is born into since the family is the child’s first social group. Immediately after a child is born, that child’s development starts to take place physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally. As a parent, you need to consider how you are supporting your children’s development throughout the day in order for those children to get an all rounded development. From infancy through childhood, research shows that holding babies and continuing to show love and affection to children through physical touch and affection is an important part of their development and well-being.

It is a known fact that parents are older but that is not an excuse to disregard showing affection to your children. I grew up in a culture where showing affection to your children was very uncommon. Take for example, most parents never apologize to their children even when they are wrong because it is perceived to be a taboo. For few children in my culture whose parents are open minded enough to apologize, they are considered lucky. 

Being that parents are older. In my culture, they are perceived to be embodied with perfection, and they are held to high esteem. Which makes them not justify their actions when necessary. Children are required to comply with adult demands, to avoid irritating parents and they dare not question the reasoning behind instructions given out by parents. For children who grow up in my type of culture, they learn respect for authorities and they function as a pleasant, cooperative family member. However, the cons outweigh the pros because these children would grow up to be timid among their peers, lack a positive relationship with adults, they would say yes to every instruction given, they would not be able to stand up for themselves, they would feel inferior, and the list goes on. These are negative attributes that a parent’s affection could have prevented. No one is perfect, not even parents. A lot of people are not educated enough to know that showing a child affection leads to more happiness when the child grows up, and a healthy and happy life for the future. 

Parents, when you build a healthy relationship with your children, they become securely attached to you. They’d be more likely to obey you, and they’d look up to you as a positive influence and guidance. How you interact with your children when they are young helps them develop social skills and sets up their relationships as adults. Find ways as a parent to show affection to your children of course one that is most comfortable to you and them. 

Ways to Show Affection to Your Children.

1. Physical Touch/ affection: This tip is advisable for infants and younger children because as children mature into adolescent age, they get very uncomfortable with physical touch from their parents. Physical touch consists of hugs, cuddling, and kissing. Take a moment to squeeze in those kids, give them a tight hug after you pick them up from daycare or school. Did you know a tight hug for 20 seconds everyday goes a long way in a child’s life? Because it aids in high self-esteem, a healthy parent – child relationship, well behaved children in society, it builds social skills, and it raises children’s spirits immeasurably. Science has shown that positive touch lowers depression. On the contrary, children who do not often get physical affection from their parents, tend to have low self-esteem, and they become anti – social. 

Skin to skin: This is an example of showing physical affection from a parent to an infant. I always advise moms and dads I work with including people I am familiar with to initiate skin to skin immediately after the baby is born. Doing skin to skin teaches an infant trust, safety, love, protection, and security.  Another example for infants is, 

Pick up your crying child: In some cultures, moms are advised to leave infants to cry for a longer time because they believe that when infants are picked up immediately, they get spoiled. They also believe that leaving an infant to cry for an extended period of time aids in the lung development of the child. These are myths with no scientific research to back it up. An infant cries because that is his or her way of communicating. Depriving an infant from early affection leads to a sense of neglect, and a higher level of the stress hormone cortisol. As humans, we are wired to crave touch and we require it for normal physical, social, and emotional development to occur. 

As children grow older into their mid childhood, it is advised for parents to role play with their children because this gives room for a lot of hugs, cuddles, and kisses. With activities like dancing, co sleeping during the day, random hugs just because they are adorable. For toddlers, holding their hands as they walk is a form of affection because it makes them feel secure. 

2. Apologize: Parents should learn to apologize to their children and it shouldn’t feel awkward and uncomfortable. Our children mimic our actions faster than they hearken to our words because parental influence among all other influences has a greater attribute in shaping a child’s future. When we apologize to our children, we validate their feelings by demonstrating to them that we all make mistakes and that is okay because we are humans but provided, we take responsibility for our actions. In addition, apologizing to children builds a ground of trust between parents and their children because when you apologize to them you model for them the value of honesty and humility. 

3. Listen to them: Earlier, I mentioned family being the first social group a child gets exposed to before any other. As our children get older, they begin to encounter life experiences and a lot of distress from peer groups, to academic stress, and then bodily changes from puberty. All of these experiences bring forth frustration and exhaustion for children. It’s very understandable that parents also have a lot on their plates. But, it is very compulsory that you create time for your children free of undivided attention to share and talk about what they have in mind. By communicating with them, you are directly telling them that they are worthy of your attention, it builds friendship and trust between a parent and child because they will always confide in you as a gist partner or someone they can share their stress with. Being an active listener to your children is a very important skill that you need to have because when you make having conversations and listening difficult to have with your children, that results in them finding solutions amongst their peers which in return will cause them to go astray. 

4. Say no to comparisons: Your children want to please you every day because they enjoy the positive reinforcement they get when they make you happy. Sometimes, their best might not be enough and this is where you come in as a parent.  If they are having troubles with an area of improvement, talk to them calmly and ask them what you can do to help and improve their skills.  Do not compare them to anyone else because this brings upon them a low self-esteem, anxiousness, and stress. My late father always said, “Not every finger is equal but, every finger serves a purpose.”  And I say this to say ‘comparison is the killer of joy’ when we compare our children, we make them feel so belittled compared to other children their age. Comparing your children actually makes you lose out on experiencing the unique talents that they are blessed with. 

5. Encourage & uplift them: Not every one of your children will be gifted with the same interests and talents. One might be extremely talented and focused in arts, while the other might be academically driven. This is great because it brings forth great purposes to your family. By encouraging and uplifting your children, you boost their self-confidence, ignite their drive to do better, and open up their curiosity to explore. Also, encourage them to be intrinsically motivated and not rely on external validation from social media, peers, teachers etc. By being self motivated, it helps them to stay on track when no one is clapping and cheering them on. In addition, always remind them of their strengths and why you believe in them. Most importantly, praise them where praise is due no matter how small of an accomplishment. 

6. Respect their space: Children also go through distress, and there will be times when they are not in the mood to be bubbly. As parents, we should respect their space and feelings. When they are ready to share they will open up. This in itself, teaches children about boundaries

7. Say Please: Parents often take advantage of being older people, and they fail to acknowledge that children are humans who are also deserving of respect. The same way that you expect people to say please to you, you should also do the same for your children. Doing this teaches them to respect you more and also hold you at a place of high prestige because of your humility

8. Say I love you: Above all, always tell your children that you love them. Growing up, my parents never said I love you but that is because of the culture difference. As a parent, my husband and I say it all the time to our son because saying I love you to your children teaches them that they are valuable, it makes them know that you are trustworthy as a parent, it makes it easy for them to make corrections, it teaches them to express their feelings, and it takes away fear from them.

Sowing the seed of affection in your children leads to a higher self-esteem, a healthy parent- child relationship, boosts confidence, improved academic performance, and fewer psychological and behavior problems. As your children grow up, respect their individual comfort level and change up the ways you show them affection.

Ending this post with a birthday shoutout to myself. What a time to be alive. I am blessed.
Happy Birthday to me. #MrsYanney

As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. Be sure to leave comments, and suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself . Do not forget that showing affection to your children goes a long way in their lives.

See you soon !!! 🙂 

How to Balance your Mental Health during Covid-19

Have you seen my last post on “How to prioritize yourself as a wife?” Be sure to check it out.

Initially, I was going to write about an interesting topic. But due to the global pandemic, it dawned on me that a lot of people are having a hard time balancing their mental health. Especially with issues like depression and anxiety. 

Depression is more prevalent in women, and that is because hormone fluctuations and biology during puberty, menstruation, pregnancy and even menopause may be a trigger for depression. Too often, people are unwilling to openly discuss their struggle with mental health for fear of self-depreciation, and shame. Going through a pandemic like COVID 19, brings about anxiousness for lots of people especially women and new moms. Social distancing being the best recommendation to contain the virus, limits accessibility to resources for people who are going through depression or anxiety. Despite these resources available to people who need help, the stigma attached to issues like depression keeps people from seeking the help they need. It might be easy for someone who hasn’t had an experience with depression to instantly think that one is having a thought of committing suicide. But depression manifests in different ways, what triggers one person, might not be the same for the other.  

As women, our aim should be focused on being a source of strength and support to one another especially during this difficult time. Let’s not lose compassion, understanding, trust, and care for one other. It is sad to say that some women in today’s generation have rather gravitated to being gossipers, and bullies. Forgetting that we need each other’s love because when women support each other, incredible things happen. As women, we should be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a friend indeed to one another at all times. We should be available and easily approachable to a sister that is struggling with balancing her mental health especially now. None of our fellow women should feel judged by our response when she opens up about her struggles with mental health. Neither should any woman have fear and mistrust about opening up for reasons being that her issue would be shared between another party. Please note that depression is not a choice, and that might be anyone’s situation tomorrow. Mental health is not a joke and neither should it be taken likely.

What is Mental Health? 

I once had an encounter with a new mom. As I was about screening her for postpartum depression using the Edinburgh Postpartum Depression Score (EPDS), I asked mom if she’s had any difficulties balancing her mental health since the last 7 days after her baby arrived? Can you guess what moms response was? Mom responded “Not me , I reject it. God forbid.” I looked at mom, and smiled because the way she responded is what my culture calls, being too extra. Though, It’s not her fault mom had thought my question meant if she had any mental illness. Her response enlightened me to know that because of the culture difference, some people are not exposed to what mental health is. Mental health in a simple explanation, is a state of balance between your psychological, emotional and social well being. It is what aids in the way we cope with the stresses of life, our work productivity, our contributions to our society or community etc. When we suffer with balancing our mental health, we can slowly gravitate to having mental illnesses. There are lists of common mental health disorders such as anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and schizophrenic disorders and all these mental disorders have treatments and ways to balance them. Please note that mental illness is nothing to be shy or ashamed of.

Anxiety disorder : Relates to a fear of certain object or situation. Usually people who suffer from this disorder, can get triggered when faced with a situation that brings about their anxiety. Examples of anxiety disorder are Post- traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) , Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Generalized anxiety disorders, and phobias. 

Mood disorder: Mood disorder impacts one’s mood, energy, and ability to think clearly. A person who suffers from mood disorder, experiences a change in mood range from an elevated mood range (mania) to low mood range (depression). Examples of mood disorder are bipolar disorder, depression, and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). 

Schizophrenic disorder: This disorder has a complex condition. Typically, people who suffer from this disorder interprets reality abnormally. The signs and symptoms for this disorder may vary from person to person, but usually involves hallucinations, disorganized speech, an impaired ability to function, and delusions. There is a lifelong treatment for this type of mental disorder. 

For anyone going through mental health with shame to ask for help. I understand how difficult and uncomfortable it can be. However, I assure you that speaking up and asking for help does not make you feeble but rather, it’s a sign of strength. If you need a listening ear and someone to express your feelings to. At the end of this blog, please shoot me an email via the contact form on the menu bar. I will try my best to get you the help you need. 

Asking for help when dealing with mental health does not make you feeble – Vera Yanney

If you happen to know a lady who might be going through depression or anxiety.  I urge you to please reach out. A simple, how are you? I hope you are okay? Goes a long way and the same goes for new moms. If you know a new mom please call to check up on her. Text her as often as you can. A lot of people fail to realize that when a new mom gives birth to a child. She is deserving of the same attention that the child gets. Check on a new mom and ask her what she needs help with? Buy her groceries, help to babysit, assist with laundry, and give her time to catch up on sleep. Of course, not now but when social distancing is lifted. By doing these, you decrease her likeliness of falling into postpartum depression. 

There are several steps that you can take, to aid in optimizing your mental health during COVID 19. 

Tips on how to balance your mental health during COVID-19.

1. Practice media distancing: Majority of what news outlets put on air now, is information and updates about the national crisis. To limit anxiety and depression, practice media distancing just as you’ve had to practice social distancing. Stay away from latest news, skip that Instagram or Facebook post about the virus, and do not research about it either. If the information is vital, trust me you will hear about it through word of mouth.

2. Time off work: Remember to take time off from work. It is advisable and important to take time off work for mental health. Use your PTO please to refuel as doing so will improve your performance and productivity significantly. Taking a mental health break from your company benefits both you and your workplace because it aids in morale and employee retention in the long run. So, yes go ahead and request off and do not feel bad about it neither should you allow anyone to convince you.

3. Focus on today: This goes for my moms & wives in particular. We are very scheduled and like to go according to what’s been planned on our calendar. But, I have to break it to you. Sticking to schedule in a global pandemic would only increase your chances of getting stressed. Do not worry so much about the meal to be prepared tomorrow, or ordering arts and crafts for home school in 4 days. Focus on the present at least throughout this pandemic. This can be tough, but we want what’s best for our mental health during this temporary period.

4. Beauty rest: Let’s try to look at things on the brighter side. This pandemic might be the only time we get to catch up on our sleep. As women, we need our beauty rest. So why not take advantage of this crisis? If you are a mom, set a time to sleep while hubby watches the kid(s) and vice versa. Pump and store up in the fridge so he doesn’t have to wake you up. 

5. Become productive/ recreate: Prior to the pandemic, you can agree with me that working an 8 hour shift was overwhelming, and the weekends went by fast. There was barely any time to generate new ideas, nor become innovative. This period can be used to your advantage. Creating, planning, and attempting new skills puts your attention on what is satisfying. Learn a new hairstyle, give Hubby a shape up, reorganize your room and children’s room, plan that business, rewrite that resume, and learn to cook new delicacies. Join to name a few! 

6. Cry: It is absolutely okay to have a meltdown and if you have to cry to feel a lot much better please do so. After all, we are all humans and crying is our mechanism for self soothing which releases oxytocin and endorphins. Go ahead and embrace your emotions and humanity. The aim is that you decompress.

7. Seek Therapy : Ladies, it is okay to admit that you are struggling and your plans are not falling in line especially during this period. That trip you booked, the weight gain, etc all these plans you had for 2020 not coming to fulfillment. I understand but, many issues that are suppressed are not dealt with. Therapy is so beneficial and there is no side effect associated with acquiring help through therapy. In fact, everyone needs to have a therapist and one does not have to be going through a crisis to seek therapy. So book an online therapy and just share those emotions with a certified professional. For my Christians, it is okay to talk to God, and have a therapist. During this period, we thank goodness for how easily accessible online therapy is and all you have to do is choose one that you feel connects to you.

8. Have faith: This period, I have stayed spiritually charged up in prayers and you should too. Jeremiah 29: 11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” If you are a Christian, and you believe in the word of God. This is the time to align yourself with God’s word and dispel every other thought and words that is contrary to what he has spoken over your life. Depression and Anxiety are not God’s plan for you regardless of what is going on around the world. If this helps, a friend of mine shared with me a church “Kingdom full tabernacle” on YouTube. They bring in empowering, life changing, and engaging topics for everyone. You will truly enjoy it. You can follow them on Instagram and also the assistant pastor, and First lady Lesley. Thank me later.

https://www.instagram.com/parislesley/?hl=en

We might be away from social interactions, but we are all in this together- Vera Yanney

Ladies, I want you all to know that you are capable of getting through this. But, you don’t have to do it alone. Always remember that it is okay to ask for help. Asking for help when dealing with mental health does not make you feeble. Stay strong and hold on a little longer because you are capable of getting through this. Do not forget to send me an email via the contact form on the menu bar. I will try my best to get you the help you need. 

As always, see you beauties on my next blog post. Be sure to leave comments, and suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself . Do not forget that you are stronger than you can ever imagine.

CIAO!!! 🙂

How to prioritize yourself as a wife.

It’s about to get hot! So get comfortable, pull your hair back, grab a wine, cross your leg and let’s talk. 

One of my greatest honors in life is being a wife. Not just a wife but a wife to the best husband. Don’t get me wrong I love my son. But, my husband comes first. As a wife, you must put your husband first before your kids. Yes, I said you must put your husband first before your kids. Your kids are a product of the love shared between you and him. Without your husband, there will be no kids. Also remember your husband is your first love and then comes your kids. When you put your husband first, your children learn what true love should be like. It also keeps the love and bond shared together alive and ignited. That’s a different topic for another post. But today, we are focused on ourselves because we are the price here.

Before we get into this, as a wife and a mother I know how difficult it can be to prioritize myself. But, I do it anyway because my needs are important too. Before any titles added unto my name, I am a woman before anything. So, I must learn to take care of me.

During the stages of courting, I always kept it modest. I loved makeup, massages, looking my best, and getting my beauty treatment. You know, I carried myself with grace. When we got married, I had no intentions to change that and my husband loves it. I was ready to break that stigma that portrays self-loss when affiliated with married women with kids. Who made the rule that being a wife equated to self-loss? I understand that it is easier for women to lose themselves when they get into marriage. No matter how assertive, or successful a woman is we are natural born givers. We give up so much of ourselves, social life, body, values, and beliefs to our husband and children because we love them. But have you thought about your own happiness?

Before your husband approached you, he admired your looks. Men are naturally attracted to what they see. The first thing that caught your hubby’s eyes before anything else was your looks. So, why would you want to let go of that spark that convinced him that you were worth getting to know?

Some women end up developing self-hate because they have no idea on how to return to the things they love or interests they had prior to marriage. Why wait till you find yourself in this dilemma? When you could have made a conscious effort from the beginning. To the wives with more than one kids, do not make your kids an excuse as to why you failed to prioritize yourself. But perhaps, times have changed and as millennial wives, we come into marriage with self-worth, power, passion, purpose, ambition, love, partnership and God.  

One of the main reason why people deviate from marriage is boredom. Boredom in your looks, boredom in bed, and boredom all rounded. A wife should learn to be all round spontaneous. As a couple, be willing to give each other more to look forward to. It’s true that when you get so familiar with your partner, the butterflies can seem to fade away gradually. Don’t get me wrong the love still remains but as you introduce children to the equation, shared responsibilities, accrued debts etc. It becomes tough to keep these feelings ignited. Nonetheless, both parties need to learn how to spice things up. In a marriage where the wife is romantic, and the husband isn’t. As a wife, take the lead in planning while your husband pays. The hope is that he also learns to treat you to a romantic scenery. There is nothing wrong in doing this and do not make societal norm dictate for you how to spice up your marriage.

Do not stop reading, we are getting deeper. Grab more wine if you need too. The upgrade you get from being a wife is meant to be upscale. Unmarried women should not have the audacity to compete with you. Your presence as a wife should command respect.  So, I ask you what happened to your needs when you became a wife?

 
What does it mean to prioritize yourself?

In a simple explanation, prioritizing yourself means putting yourself on the same list of importance as you do with everyone else. In regards to a being a wife, your family is your most important priority. That is absolutely necessary and beautiful. However, you must note that your family looks up to you and they take note of how you treat yourself. Outside of cooking meals, and being the best at interior decors. Give your husband, your children, and yourself multiple reasons to be proud of you. Marriage should not be the reason you forget yourself. Why should you neglect the interests you have, the visions you see, and the hobbies you love all because of marriage? Getting married should rather inspire you to be all around sophisticated than you were prior to marriage. My husband continues to support me to explore more about myself. He has inspired me to be the woman I am today. He is not envious of my accomplishments because he has a mindset of if I win, he wins. Getting married to him is the best thing that has happened to my being and I thank God for him everyday.

How to prioritize yourself as a wife and why? 

1. Self-care: If you follow me on Instagram. Self-care is my favorite concentration to talk about. As a wife, you have to learn to give yourself the same priority card as you give your husband and kids. You should practice what I call having a selfish time away from wifely responsibilities. Getting married should never be an excuse for you to give up things you enjoy doing. Learn to create hobbies that do not require your husband’s involvement. Doing things on your own will help you stay connected to yourself and cultivate a sense of self. I will write a blog on self-care because self-care is a topic on its own. But in the meantime, here are some examples of things I indulge in for self-care as a wife : Get dolled up, work out and diet, go on a shopping spree, book a spa date, exfoliate my face, manicure and pedicure, switch up my closet, get on a path to personal development, book wifely trips with my fellow wife friends, and set boundaries. 

Halotheraphy (Salt therapy) is a form of self care I have also attempted and I absolutely enjoyed it.


2. Get something doing for yourself: Thankfully, we are in a generation where women are allowed to have almost the same opportunities as men. This should make you aspire to have something going on for you. You can be a stay home mom who works from home. The goal is to get your hand on something that can generate income outside of your husband’s wealth. Your husband should not be the only provider in your household. Actually, when you have a source of income, you earn more respect from your husband. He will love and adore you more because you are his support. No matter how little, it goes a long way. While you are at it, save ladies. You need to learn to save because there will come a time when things will become tough. As a support to your husband, you should be able to say “I got it babe, don’t worry about it.” I do this a lot, and my husband loves it so much because it makes him proud. As a wife, It also gives me a sense of self-worth and contentment.  

3. Invest: Have another source of revenue. Research on how to invest in stocks, forex, real estate, and businesses. You are a wife, and a boss so act like one. Generate assets and not liabilities, think ahead for the raining days for your self and family. A wife is the pillar of her home. My husband calls me the pillar of our home because I am there to hold it all together so we don’t fall. I provide support when the need be. I am the extra eyes wandering looking for holes to secure. So nothing can bring my home crashing by God’s grace.

4. Spend on yourself: It is absolutely important to meet your financial obligation and prioritize family needs but a wife needs things too. Spending on yourself lifts your spirit and it makes you feel better and happier. It is also a way of rewarding yourself for all the hard work you invest into your home. It is a healthy thing to do because it boosts your confidence. Take for example, when you buy a new wig, or get fresh acrylics you feel really happy right ? Yes, just as you should because you are worth it. So take some money out for yourself when planning for your families need and do not feel guilty doing so. Lest I forget, hubby gets to compliment you too. Who wouldn’t want that?

5.  Dress Sexy: No for real, be a sexy wife. I cannot stress this enough. A wife is not suppose to be boring. Dress sexy for you, and then for your husband. When you look your best, you feel great. Get rid of that large grandma panties that do not highlight your assets. We do not bring that into marriage. Reserve that for special times of the month or if you are a new mom because you’d need it for the necessities. Buy lingerie, crop tops, booty shorts, and sexy panties Etc. These are what you should wear around the house. Prior to when you got married, I am sure you enjoyed putting on sexy outfits. Gone are the day when wives wore baggy dresses or yoga pants with lose t-shirts. For wives with toddlers, or grown up kids. You can try tight yoga pants that highlight your cakes. Give that man a lounge view and trust me, even though you are doing this for your husband, you will feel so confident in yourself. Be sure to take that sexiness outside with you when you dress up on a date with hubby. Wear something a little revealing but yet classy. A sexy wife, is a happy wife.

Yes, I’m a wife and I am allowed to look my best.

 6. Initiate sex : Sex is important in a marriage. Couples should have regular sex. I know it can get hard with kids but it is required to make out time for sexual intimacy. Wives need sex as much as hubby’s do and this makes it a priority of yours too. The increase in Libido is needed in marriage. Don’t be shy to send a naughty text to your hubby. If you don’t who will ? Send him that provocative text, dress nasty for him with candles on, sexual music playing in the background, rose pedals, role play, and take the lead. Doing these, will make him feel wanted, it lets him know you want him and you desire him. But leave him to chase you.

7. Give your husband space: Even while you want to get sexy, and intimate with hubby. Another rule of thumb is to give your husband space. I know that you are married, and living in the same house. He is your best friend and I get it. But you don’t want your husband feeling choked. A wife needs to learn how to prioritize and embrace her individuality. Being too clingy to your husband can cause you to lose your identity and you do not want to get there because losing your identity can create hopelessness, worthlessness, anxiety, and low self-esteem. So, give him space to do what he enjoys and go watch a movie, call a friend, get innovative or whatever works best for you.

8. Maintain your body & eat clean: This is a tough one that requires hard work and commitment. I am all for wives embracing their postpartum bodies, stretch marks, weight gain and all. But if you think about it, maintaining your body and eating clean boosts your energy levels and keeps your system running smoothly. If you are like me, every time I work out my stress level is low and my energy level is high. Maintaining your body also boosts your confidence whether you are in the house half naked or fully dressed on a date.

9. Make sleep a priority: The most easiest and simplest thing to do. But yet, we neglect it. Make a commitment to get enough sleep when you can. If you are a wife with kids, have hubby watch the kids sometimes while you go get some sleep. I am a firm believer that having an adequate sleep aids in productivity, mentally sharp minds, a young, and vibrant skin.

10. Do not compare yourself: Comparing and competing with other wives will hinder you from experiencing happiness and joy within yourself. It can lead to inaccurate assumptions of the other parties’ qualities. Remember, the aim is to focus on yourself and not others. What is green on the other side is only greener because it was watered continuously. Work and focus on yourself.

11. Prayer: Prayer is the key to everything it is an essential priority. It takes strength to balance roles as a woman and also prioritize yourself. You need to ask God for the strength and grace in everything you set your mind to. Lack of prayer and strength from God to venture into anything , would lead to loss in enthusiasm. Additionally, as a wife I urge you to be in constant prayer for the things of your heart and also for your family. Not everyone is happy for you and your home. So, do not stop praying.


Wives, remember that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself because it is the foundation of any other relationship. So, it makes sense to prioritize and nurture it. You are a woman, a wife, and a queen to his kingdom. The way you prioritize yourself also reflects on your husband. When you see me, you see my husband and vice versa.

Getting married should inspire you to be more sophisticated than you were prior to marriage. 
– Vera Yanney.


Thank you for reading my blog and I will see you beautiful women on my next post. Be safe, and gentle on yourself and remember to prioritize yourself as a wife.

Don’t forget to like this content, share, comment, leave suggestions on topics you would like to see, and follow my blog.

CIAO 🙂

A Note to Mothers.

The most empowering stage in my life was when I was pregnant with my son. I am thankful to God, and privileged to be called a Mother. This is a role that I do not take for granted. Mother’s day this year was one I looked forward to because it’s my first. But, turns out that we are housebound. All thanks to Quarantine and social distancing. Regardless of the situation at ground, we are very much worthy of being celebrated today.

There is so much to celebrate in motherhood, being able to carry life for 10 months & deliver it. Has taught me that there isn’t anything a woman can’t do. 

The exhaustion of motherhood is real mentally, physically, and emotionally. This journey requires complete dedication, and selflessness to your baby. But as my son grows and reaches these milestones, I am content in knowing that my sacrifices are paying off. Regardless of the hard work that comes with mothering. 

I find myself waking up in the middle of the night. Not to the sound of my infant crying, but just to stare at him as he sleeps. Not to breastfeed, but to watch him breathe. Not to change his diaper, but to say a prayer over him because he is everything to me and MORE!!! 

Thank You for choosing me Son. You make me so happy. I love you .

I love this phase of my life. I feel so content, and fulfilled. I might have tried and failed at some things. But, I will NEVER stop giving 100% at being the best mom I can be.  No matter how difficult. 

Motherhood is wonderful, even in the chaos. It’s a life changer. And I’m grateful for this privilege. This is the closest I’ve gotten to unconditional love and by far one of the greatest blessings God has given me.

To all Mothers,

Mothers who are first time moms,

Mothers who are mourning the loss of a child,

Mothers who are waiting to meet their first baby,

Mothers who are currently pregnant,

Mothers who are surrogates,

Mothers who are apart from their kids due to one reason or the other,

Mothers who have lost that bond with their children, 

Mothers who are spiritually strong for her fellow woman,

First born daughters who play the role of mothers, 

Whatever the role as a Mother means to you. 

You are celebrated today because you are power, strength & kindness. You may feel broken, but you make broken look beautiful. You take the universe on your shoulder and make it look like a breath of fresh air. I want you to know that you are absolutely beautiful in your postpartum body. And those stripes of a tiger, have been earned. They are your affirmation that you birthed life.

From one mother to another, motherhood look so good on you. Be kind and gentle with yourself because you are the bomb in this role. I know it is tough, but take the time out today to relax. You deserve it. 

No matter what stage of motherhood you are in. Take a moment to celebrate yourself. You deserve a pat on the back. 

Happy Mother’s Day Queens.

My Path to Personal Development.

What better way can I start off my blog without introducing myself as a woman? Yes Queen, take pride in being a woman before any other titles added unto that. 

Dear woman, reading this blog before you proceed. I want you to pause, take a few seconds to describe yourself as a woman. What qualities as a woman do you take pride in? Just appreciate yourself for a few seconds. All done? Okay ladies, let’s get into this. 

As a woman, you have to be willing to grow and discover yourself on a deeper level. At some point in life, you should venture on a path to personal development. Why did I say this? Because the most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. 

So, what is personal development?

Personal development is a period in a person’s life when you take a step back to build your best self. That consists of your skills, qualities, friends, bank account, environment, mentality, spirituality. In this period, you set goals for yourself as a woman. You get selfish with yourself. It’s a time for overall growth, to bring out the most authentic version of your womanhood. Did you know? Women, who do not invest in personal development often become unhappy, they stay stagnant, and they have low self-esteem and feel resentment. 

“Look around you. Everything changes. everything on this earth is in a continuous state of evolving, refining, improving, adapting, enhancing, and changing. You were not put on this earth to remain stagnant.” Dr. Steve Mataboli

https://thegroundedtree.com/2018/12/18/the-grounded-tree-what-does-it-represent/

Think of personal development as a flower. A flower needs water to grow and blossom. A flower stops growing when it isn’t watered often, exposed to sunlight, plucked of dead leaves, and trimmed. Nature is an excellent example of an incredible potential to grow. As a woman, you need to be in charge of watering your flower. 

Don’t stop reading. I will share some tips and life experiences that will leave you thinking.

My path to personal development.

At some point in my life, I decided it was time for me to move out of my parent’s house because I loved the freedom and independence I enjoyed when I lived in the dorm. After I found an apartment, I had to learn how to navigate life as an adult. I landed a part time job, and was also a part time student. My path to personal development started, when I worked as an assistant teacher in a daycare. Every day I was at work, I told myself that I wanted more. I advised myself not to get comfortable with whatever income I was getting at the time. I wanted to be someone I will be proud of, and someone my children can boast of. So, I switched majors after doing so many research on what I really wanted for myself and not what my parents wanted for me. Long story short, I pursued a major I had passion for, and landed a job in my field of focus in Maternal and Child Health which I love so much.

That experience as a daycare teacher birthed the woman I am today. Remember in the beginning of this blog I asked that you take a few seconds to describe what qualities you take pride in as a woman? 

Here is mine: I am empathetic, attentive, conscientious, grounded, strong, focused, persistent, resilient, confident, and forgiving. I am multifaceted.


I shared my story to encourage a woman out there. That some experiences in life shape us to become more powerful and grounded in ourselves. You don’t have to confine yourself to these barriers. No, use it to your advantage. Live your best life, do not let your thoughts hinder you from empowering your personal growth. A life coach Friedrich Nietzsche said

“A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us.” https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/thought 

Steps to Personal Development.

  • Who are you? A lot of women struggle with this question. It is never okay to feel intimidated and be in denial about who you are. After all, no one is perfect. I advise you to bask in your true self because it is easier, than keeping up with a made up version of you. Who cares what people think?
  • Be happy: Sound’s simple but it’s true. When you are happy, you tend to see the positive side of you, than dwell on the negative. I look at myself in the mirror countless times. And I tell myself, I am sexy. I am happy with my current self. As I continue to put in a conscious effort to be the best version of the woman I want to be.
  • Dream and Create visions: You cannot attain personal development without creating a dream, and then working towards it to bring it to reality. When creating a dream and vision, do it because it is what you want for yourself. Forget about seeking approval from people. Doing so, will make you lose inspiration and motivation for that vision.
  • Work on your area of Focus: What do you entail to achieve? Make sure you are applying yourself to that focus. Even if it is 30 minutes a day. A popular quote says, “A drop of water, makes a mighty ocean.” That goes in line with working on your area of focus. Investing 30 minutes a day, is a gradual step. It will add up in the long run. Just start!. A wise man said,

“We are the architects of our fortune, and the same architects of our misfortune.”- RIP Daddy.

What happens after personal development?

  • Reconnect: Reconnecting with our true self, brings us peace and satisfaction. People around you, will want to become familiar with you because of the self-love you exhilarate around them. And, gradually your self-esteem will be at its peak. 
  • Self-acceptance: Self-acceptance allows us to forgive ourselves, it gives us the satisfaction of a healthy sense of self love. Certain comments people throw at you will not affect you because you have learned to be a friend to yourself. At this stage, it’s not worth fighting to prove your worth to someone. You choose to accept people’s judgement about you with neutrality or not. It wouldn’t bother you as much because you have acceptance. 
  • Responsibility: This stage, you take matters into your hands to be the change you want to see. You would not wait for anyone to talk down on you before you take that step to evoke self-growth. As a woman, you’d learn to live proactively rather than re-actively. We are responsible for our own lives. No one will save you, you have to make the changes yourself. It may feel like a burden but trust me it’s empowering. 
  • Purpose: When we live with purpose, we are influenced to shape our actions, you live by your own beliefs and purpose. At this stage you make sure to set priorities, and achieve them. Above all, live in the moment and live your life full of purpose and not regret. 

I assure you, that this is a process, and it will not happen overnight. It’s about the work you put in. The end result is attaining your best self. Don’t allow the waiting process make you doubt what God promised you. You already have everything it takes just do it.

If you want it, go after it. If you allow fear and doubt to paralyze you, you wouldn’t go far.

“Release yourself from the fear of your mind, thoughts, self doubt, and self rejection and just DO IT!!!.” – Vera Yanney

Thank you for reading my blog and I will see you lovelies on my next blog. Be sure to follow my blog, drop comments, and suggestions on topics you’d be interested in. Remember to stay kind, and gentle to yourself as you work on your personal development. 🙂 🙂

CIAO!!!

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